reflect

take away my shell and who am i??
who am i truly without all the need 2 please and to obey?
am i nice...crazy? a liar..or am i just deceitful and manipulative?

put me in a room.
without anyone to talk to
without anyone's feelings to be considered
without the harsh judgement i have to deal with day in and day out
will i be in my element?
will i be rosh??
yeh i know i will.
but alas, i know that i cannot avoid the world, just as how the world cannot run away with time frm me
hell of a fact...but the truth nonetheless.
only once i reach my time will i truly know who i am supposed to have been inside and out
till then,
its lights, camera, action!!!!!

wacked out world

ever felt like it was a wacky wacky world out there... hey to be honest, i am so constantly locked in my own sphere that it is such an amazing thing that i still can see the world as a crazy WEIRD world. conflict, conflict, conflict...its like we feed on it. where there are humans there shall forever more be conflict. more so i realized with my cousin's wedding coming up. hey if the ones involved werent so affected and serious abt it i would have long ago has a good great big laugh over the whole episode. BBBUUUUTTT

since i am in this whole celebration of 'eternal bonding and unity' KONONLAH!!!! i cant.come.rite.out.and.laugh.and.call.half.me.family.members....MAD!!!

remind me never to include them in my "IF" it ever happens wedding...

anyhow everythg else seems to be falling into place. except im so lost as to what saree im going to wear...arrrgghhh i love the pinky one for the dinner. yet these ppl tend to think that the brown one is preety too...cuz the saree blouse is bear sexy..ahha ok its my dilema...not a world crisis..but somehow its a rosh's personal world CRISIS...

ya i never said i never had a flair for the dramatic. ppl just assume im an all uptight chick with no understanding of the phrase 'go wild'.

nehoo...nothing else is happening ard me that is of any need to note. i am truly enjoying my pigginess doing nothing but waste my precious time sleeping, eating, pndering on what to eat later, and then further pondering on when to sleep and what would be the most polite time to sneak away for a nap and a lill snack,...geee i bet my sponsors are just clapping their hand and congratulating themeselves on such a brilliant match...hahah

end soon

semester oH semester...do end soon.
i am getting so tired and bored of revising for ur farewell parties which u seem to host at the end of ever academic sem with such solemn faces swimming about in attendance.
exams here and there..books strewn here and there..cupboards with clothes neither here nor there...hostel looking like it has seen better days...
oh dear dear semester do come to an end quick
three more days...three more day of less than 4 hours of sleep per day
three more days of thinking of nothing but maths bio and all the results
oh lord..i need to survive another three more days GOD TOLONG!!!

ahhaah okay
im losing it , cant even write a simple poem ady..i used 2 love writing poems abt my everyday experinces. but nowadays, i just cant seem to find the words nor the time or the patience to pretend to arrange my feelings in some composition of flowery and fanciful words and phrases just so i can say l..'hah!!! a poem!!!"

but to be honest...whatever i just said there is absolutely true. i do want to go home. ido want to end this examinations. i really do not think i have bene this stressed before nor this thorough in my revision..i hope it all pays off well...alevels is really a pain in the ass.that much is true and will forever be true.....

home..where the heart belongs...when it is truly restless

had a chance today yet as usual, missed by that much. damn ...had my little wish come true...but pretended indifference...DAMNATION....walked rite next to the bloke..but still made no move...had chaman speak to him, i was right next but dint bother...oh wellll....

but hold it, why should i be soo hardpressed into feeling so much when in truth there is nothing more to it than just a glance frm d other party...

although i wish to heaven that it is more and will always be more...cant help the way i feel, it just feels natural and so nice to for once, be obssesed...but i think it is already heading for its natural end soon..hopefully ill get some happy ending...cant keep going on as i am now..not in the least healthy for my mental mind........

still annoyed that im enamoured...
rosh

p/s..theres a funny story to every story i have ever starred in...

cry me a river

i honestly feel like crying...like not literally ofcos..just the deep within ur soul wanna bury yourself and wish the world away...kinda feeling. so much of homework and ive got my eng presentation tomw.everyone's was soo nice today ..damn the pressure is on me.i was d model for dhivya who wanted to tie a saree and show the class how to do it..so she tied it one me la...man it was nice if i should say so myself..everyone thought soo too..eheh *blushes....*...i think im definitely a saree-girl. just need to learn how to handle it more like a pro frm now on...

anyhoo..other than that i gt my bio test on thurs and i just cant seem to study!?!?!?!?....and directly aft that on sat i have my end semester exams for ethics..HAIYOOO why cant it start witht he rest of the subjects in nov??? and then got malam ko-pln on wednz..(one day before bio paper)..WANNA LITERALLY DIE NOW...!!?!?! and the stupid night thing is compulsory...haih...and then my bio report which i have to hand in on thurs, well guess what....after i finished priniting it today, someone accidently spileld hot tea over it..ok fine, im willing to accept partial blame..BUT ONLY PARTIAL..

ya ya i shouldve put it in a file..lol..but whoever thinks abt these little things la.>>??/for chirstsake..sorry j.christ..
so now i have to go and pringt all over again...and im soo lazy to walk all the way to muzik falkulti.when im in the cozy library...so i guess i have to print here loh..fcking rm0.30 sen eessshh i hate spending money..damn damn///

and then somemore, i havent seen ahemm ahemm for a while now...eeesshhh where is ahemm ahemm hiding..must be studying i guess, exams soo near...haih i should do the same eh/???ye ye ya i knw what i have to do ..but doing it is a whole other matter on its own...

aye ill go now to study fcking bio..esshhh dna,rna protein structure..enzymes...mendel...plasma membrane ...diffusion..osmosis..plasmolysis....EESSSHHHH AAARRGGGHHHHH

i love bio rite....

lov
rosh...
wishing someone would show me some love darnit...

of love ,of crushes, of blushes

betcha interested...yesss omg i have been plagued with the disease...the i think ur really hawt so im gonna keep looking syndrome..SHITTTT...

what the hell hapened to me..the rosh which never showed much emotions out in public??

but now all isee is u..all iw ant to see is u..all i wish 2 do is do more than just see u...hell i wish it will end and begin all over again everyday...

bless life..bless the good old lord..who it seems is having a fielday with my feelings...

love
someone soo deep in this shit...damn

shopping spree

diwali will be here in two weeks time, and im nicely coccooned in kl ...what do u think will happen next??? yessssss....major diwali shopping spree.. which i did yesterday. damn this is the first time i have actually done my shopping soo much earlier its just that all ma college mates hav ady done theirs..so i felt a lill pressured myself...

therefore, when i came dwn 2 klang, my aunts place, we thought, might as well go and get it done and over with. what with my cousin's wedding coming up, i thought i might as well get somethg that i came use for this and that.,..eg killing two birds with one stone. though its only a backup suit cuz i cant very well wear a punjabi suit to the wedding nor the reception..only a saree would do. (i havent really actually gotten that yet...but there are already a few choices...geethis post is dull rite now!! sorry!)

anyhow..we went up to sentral(central ) kl..where the train stops at, and walked dwn to the diwali fair. heloo people, this was d much anticipated fair with merchants coming all the way frm india with their sarees and silky designs and salwar kameer..pattiala pants, lengga's...jubah's..indian fingurines,..jewellery oh gosh , i was just gobsmacked. EXCEPT...we werent there on the official starting day, instead we were there on their official, unloading and unpacking day!! silly me and my aunt...we did not know that it had not even begun and that most of them had not even started their stalls yet. so we were a little put off by that,. i mean it was SUCH a long journey frm klang to kl sentral and now it seemed as if it was all for ntg...thank god though there were some stalls that WERE half opened/half unloading and there were easily abt 20 of them. so off we went onto each stall just to see wat they had

it was all soo beautiful...eveythg was shinny glittery and well, just very feminine as well as AFORDABLE. seriousli, i think their prices were FAr far FAR better than the locals here.

andddd since we were like the very very very first customers for d majority of them, we were treated somewhat ..like royalty!!!!! u see, indians especially frm india have this very superstitious thing. they cannot CANNOT upset the first customer in their shop. so we really din have to do much work bargaining cuz they keep shooting looks at their co-workers when we mention a really low price and their co-workers just go like "nevermind. first customer ya .first customer"..well they say it in hindi!!!

so when they wanted us to enter they would start like. "ma'am u are our first customer , ya..come come"..and normally i wouldnt be able to resist..know why???they were super the duper the super HAWT!!!! ohgosh like bollywood material most of them...big, fair,hulky good body and really big great charmers..can really flirt man those nuts..but well i was careful...they are sometimes willing to do anythg to make a sale...haiyoooo


nyhoo..i got myself what i liked. and i sorta forgot and sorta couldnt find anythg nice to get ma bro anythg.spposed to get him a nice jubah bt for real there was ntg on display..all were women's clothing since they had not truly opened yet. and then headed 2 brickfields were things were okla...sorta nice but soo heavenly priced ; meaning it was truly impossible for me to reach their price range..well brickfields is what we call upper market they cater for all the rich and RICH...got money.go there.

seriously, there was one indian boutique which i entered and the salesgirl actually looked me over from head to foot...like seeing what sorta person i am..and my financial background..and she never once came forth to ask whether we wanted anythg or were interested in anythg..cuz we were kinda dressed casually u knw...the sort of dressing that screms..."just used the public transport no time to be flashy !!"...

oh well i had fun..but now mum and dad are annoyed at me...
1)forgot to get shays jubah
2)spposed to get saree but i kinda dint
3)got two punjabi suits but dad is fine with it..mum isnt
4) mum feels pavitra din get anythg..like its ma fault
5)...and she did get ok..gorgeous anarkali punjabi suit....truly gorgeous!!!lolzzzz