" Its A LiFeStoRy..."

st valentine...NOT!

2012-02-14T23:37:00.003+08:00

2 minutes till valentine's day is over. pheww im glad. so much pressure i tell u, and it's really getting much harder for single people like me to act like its really fun to spend it all alone doing pretty much nadaa, especially as i get older. u know, when you are 17 and such, these things dont really matter...but the minute you enter your twenties, there is like this imaginary clock that is just ticking in my head. its crazy. i keep thinking, in 7 years time atleast, i'd should have already secured a mating partner to which i can successfully rely on to begin reproducing offsprings. if it gets later than that...my biological clock would have exploded in my face. so in 7 years time, i sort of imagine myself being all set...but how can that be possible, when at 21, i cannot even find a partner to sit through a quiet candle light dinner with? pffft, souunndddsss impossible i tell you.

anyway, on other unrelated matters, life in IMU is beginning to get weary. i am not kidding..i know its only been one month into the whole course, yet im already feeling---bored---

how come it gets much harder to click with people the older you get? its harder to sit through something someone says that doesnt appeal to you. suddenly, im feeling like there should be more to life than sitting and feigning interest. know what i mean?

i just need to find my niche in IMU, like that group of people whom i can click with and can become family. and because i havent found it, its frustrating la. its as if, i see all those little cliques around, and im suddenly getting a little jealous.

when you're in a lil group, and there's all those private jokes, and you can make eye contact and someone would get the message immediately, and you'd giggle when the class hottie walked by or something...and you'd go out and never feel awkward much. jokes would be exchanged and would be mutually understood and laughed at...because your mentality would be on par.

hahaha how i miss having people whose humour i got and vice versa.

i am complaining, and im well aware of it. so to remedy it, ive decided im going to join a couple of societies soon. so i will be kept busy, so i can be social..so i wont feel so alone. full.stop.

i hope i dont talk myself out of it, because i need to stay busy...and i need to meet people.

anyhoo, cant wait for when kee comes visiting me..and thurs there are plans with peits..and im meeting my mimi this week as well!! hope it all goes well..till then, sayonara.

p/s happy deathday St. Valentine. i wonder how the love of your life took your letter...did she find love again? did she ever realise just how significant, signing, "from your valentine" would be hundreds of years later.

someday...

2012-01-17T02:05:00.002+08:00

someday,

u are going to turn around and your jaw is going to drop all the way past the ground,

someday,

u are going to wonder why u ever slighted me,

why you ever never paid me the kinda attention i ought to have received,

someday,

it'll be bright lights, happiness, love and joy my way

and most importantly, contentment.

and you'll wonder what went wrong on your path.

someday,

we'll stop comparing, stop competing,

i'll stop caring what or which direction you take,

we'll make our own destinies come to life and never look back,

someday,

maybe, we'll meet up sometime along the way,

exchange the usual pleasantries and you'll suddenly wonder

why you never realized a hell of a lot more when the chance presented itself all those times...

and hopefully,

when someday comes,

ill be way, way, way ahead of the game than you. Than all of you.

part II the incomplete one

2012-01-03T01:08:00.002+08:00

part II:

this update is from my new place in IMU. i dont know what else to say, except its...okay! we're working at making it look better and stuff.

i dont know whats in store for tomorrow but wish me luck!!

other than that new year was a blast!! had a ball with all my favourite people, met some weird ones, met some hot ones....

i love how 2012 arrived with a bang!!

will be having orientation tomorrow...hai ram, i hope it goes well.

approaching the end '11 part 1

2011-12-28T21:14:00.003+08:00

christmas was good.

we did alot of new things as friends and we had presents under our tree after such a long time.

we woke up late on xmas day and we unwrapped packages.

we partied the day before and hugged each other tight at 00.00 o'clock.

christmas always will remind me of peits. i dont know why you know. i have a hunch its because she used to bring me little xmas gifts when we were friends all those years ago. a little santa figurine one year and a book of beautiful, beautiful xmas ornaments of a couple of angels, snowman and father xmas when i was 12. so every time there's a tree in the house, those little ornaments go up and i think of her the whole time. whether she's in kl or in malacca,whether we meet up all the time..or hardly ever..she'll always be my sister from another mother...and i will always hope and wish for the very best for her.

the tree is still in my hall..ornaments and all still hanging, lights still strung around. it will come down on the 1st. i dont know if i will still be in malacca. the days are going by so fast, its getting really hard and really rough to just leave. i am not a fan of change, nor am i a fan of having new friends and having fun with people i dont know well...so all this is just making me really anxious. i am absolutely NOT looking forward to orientation.

i hope 2012 will be good. keelyn told me i should make a list of resolutions for the new year. i think it'll be a good idea, so ill get to that soon. 3rd of jan 2012, will mark the date i finally throw in the towel and accept whatever thats been assigned. until then, i have and will be always hoping for a huge, kick-ass miracle.

i actually wanted to start this post out a lot more upbeat and happy, but right now i feel anything but. reason? facebook(annoying) and my ever present hobby of scouting for the best deals for cheap airfares to places i always want to visit someday. i love doing it, because sometimes u tend to get such amazing deals, but at the same time...its always a tad too expensive and always hard to bring up in a conversation to ur dad when trying to persuade said person to sponsor my holiday. but i need one and i want one next year. I REALLY DO! and this time, i really dont want london..hopefully something new and exciting and fun and *middle eastttt* yes, i have my eyes set on the middle east.

now im off to finish my dinner which was made by yours truly...*applause* it was a baguette stuffed with onions, tomatoes, bacon, Italian sausage and mozarella and sprinkle of pepper and salt. muahhh. was good.

so this is part 1 of approaching the end of 2011, and so far i am not looking forward to it. if i were to sum up 2011 in one word..it would be, emotional.

am off now,

love

rosh

loadsa love,

rosh

2011-12-19T04:14:00.001+08:00

and sometimes you give and give and give people advice, and you wonder,

where is all this bullshit coming from? words u normally would never place side by side are flowing like a stream from your mouth. just sometimes, its all utter CRAP. it's just said to fill the void and make you feel better. at the end of the day, YOU know whats right and YOU also know, most of us only say what the people want to hear. crowd pleasers, we definitely are!

toodles its 4.15am and i have to be up by 8am. FML!

red.little.fellas

2011-12-19T02:10:00.002+08:00

today was eating a pomegranate and suddenly wondered....who on earth thought of this?

was there a bloke who walked around some jungle and one day thought to himself, here lies a funny looking thing that maybe can be split into half. and when he did split it into half, how on earth did he bring himself to pop one of those very red, passion filled christmasey looking fellas into his mouth. and then...NOT WORRY ABOUT WHETHER IT WAS POISON OR NOT? i just dont get it.

they say necessity is the mother of invention...so maybe, he was starving and then he thought, what's there to lose....anything would work..live or die, what is it to a man nearing his time? so he did those steps above and TADAA it was edible, and NOT poison...so he lived on that for a long time, passed it on to his children...and here we are today, popping little red things into our mouth and having a semi-sweet flavour burst.

really, there's no reason (sane or not) for why im typing all this down, its just the thought was plaguing my mind and i realised,

if it weren't for soo very many thing that our fore-father's had done, other than having sex and making us, we would have been 100 times in reverse progression. such a backward civilization. but then, we would never have realised all that we were missing out on, since what you never knew, you'll never miss.

for instance, people in the 18th century thought they were very advanced when they started the whole procedure of draining "bad blood" for most of the maladies around in those times. yes,bad blood and all sometimes has to be filtered, but these people just took it out of the human system and expected the patient to have enough haemoglobin to make a speedy enough recovery...ofcourse, most of them did not last.

anyway, in other parts of my life and world. lol. bought a couple of presents to day for christmas. this year's tree, deserves little, wrapped packages to be placed under it. yes, i do say.

other than that, it was a busy weekend. went out with kee and calvin, and and aunty madula and family till 4 in the morning ... normally i wouldnt complain about the wee mornings, but this time, i was tired! i just wanted nothing but to have my home clothes on my back and to crawl into the bed and go off up and away with peter pan.

love love

im off now, already 3 am on a monday morning, off to kl today! for a spot of fun I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO HOPE!!!!

rosh

2011-12-13T20:11:00.001+08:00

http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats

click on the above link , if ever you need a new perspective to life...if ever you need a new change of mindset.

might help to always know that you are sometimes, luckier than more than 1/2 of the world's population.

today...still the 13/12/11 went out for jogging with the keelyn and the pavitra. I FINALLY DID IT! finally did what i said, although we postponed the morning jog to way later in the evening. well keelyn got there at 5pm, i got there at 5.18 ish?? lol i cannot do punctuality, but i will work on it. new year's resolution it shall be :)

and when i say jog, i mean it in a very very loose term. go figure.

love love.

13/12/11

2011-12-13T04:37:00.003+08:00

13/12/11

There was so much hype abt 11/11/11. what about today, i think its even more special. i do because not many people will notice the numbers decreasing.

There is a moment that comes and goes swiftly in some days. If you pay close enough attention, it will probably happen everyday. It sends shivers down your back and makes you want to smile from ear to ear. I dont know what THAT moment is for you people out there, but for me, here it goes:

1) sitting infront of my Christmas tree with glowly lights while the rest of the house is bathe in darkness....all on my own,

2)sipping cocktails in a place that used to be familiar.

3) sitting with a WHOLE different bunch of people near a place where I made one of the awesomest memory of my life with ANOTHER bunch of people...having those memories, and conversations and events come rushing back to my head.

4)sitting in a house that used to be home, and playing pictogame with my dad, bro and sis and laughing at the top of our lungs...because a tornado drawn out looked like a giant worm taking over the world.

5) ability to record some of my FAVOURITE romantic movies just because we've advanced in our astro decoder.

6)having huge cousin group huges atleast 10 times when we're out for the night.

7) reading those books over and over and over again, and still getting emotionally involved at the exact same scenes.

all these and more make me :)

i haven't exactly been contented in a long time. I haven't exactly been...happy. to make matters worst, everyone around me, has mostly been happy these past few months. But somehow, someway I'm getting there la.

on other unrelated matters, a VERY VERY small part of me cannot wait to start school and start blogging about how bogged down i am by my work and assignments and what not...atleast that will make me sound less lifeless, i think?

but another HUGE part of me, doesnt want any such thing. the dressing up for class, the waking up early, the living on my own again, the housemates, the taking to new people and the pleasing new people so they will talk to u again, the talking AGAIN to new people you dont actually want to talk to,hehe

and the finding my way in a new place. but ONE HUGE ADVANTAGE!! i wil have all ma bitches back with me. all my college mates will be there..so woot woot i miss those people. we werent all close, but u knw when ur used to seeing those people all the time, u tend to miss them.

tomorrow jogging with the lim diva, hopefully ill make it...its 5am now and i need to meet her at 9am

have i told u how much i haaaaaaaaaattttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeee morning appointment, i DO!

for you

2011-12-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

YOU 1): what is your problem? no really, what?!? ive helped you so many times, and for this one time, you cant pull through and help me out? i cant only shake my head. I've helped you out, i know i have sometimes. and I have always made it a point to keep track and to support you so it's a little scream-and-pull-hair like feeling when i think of how LITTLE you have done.

YOU2): whats with the suggestions?? whats with making me want this and that and then turning it all down. i.am.human. and these feelings are not meant to be messed with la. i just don't get what you want me to do or say. when you ask me how i feel , ill let you know point blank how i feel...it may take a while, but i hardly hide what i feel. and then, when i do what you want me to do, you say..you don't get it and then you criticize what i feel. I FEEL WHAT I FEEL. you have no right and no authority to decide whether or not my "feelings" are legit.

YOU3): i love YOU but u drive me nuts really you do, i wish you came back later..stayed longer. but whatever, crazy or not, you matter to me.

YOU4):YOU are a nice person, but there is a limit sometimes to how distant you can be. there is a limit to how much i can take in a person even if i care ALOT for you. i know you are trying to balance things out and make it all one big happy family, but sometimes...you've got to "divide and rule". *le sigh*

YOU5): WHYYYYYY? really, why me? and what in the world are you on? crack? how the hell do you think? you are messing with me...like im a little toy and you are just ramming me against the wall and everytime you're done, you pause..see how damaged i am and when ur assured i can still go on, YOU RAM SOME MORE! the hell? haven't you made me rue enough? haven't i proved enough. all i want is simple, you know what i want...and yet constantly, i am denied and YOU constantly make it worst. but i love you with all my heart, and although i know you will continue with the ramming, its ok! ITS OK. you have got the right to do so. just promise me, you'll LESSEN it ALOT and you'll give me a much bigger space for a breather because, someday i will just...ram myself.

ME---> its time to accept what's what and its time to do my back up plans. i am me, and me-ier than i will ever be. there is always a rhyme and reason why things go as they do but that DOES NOT mean that i will take a back seat to my plans. i will still continue dreaming and trying to make it all happen. i deserve ALOT more and hell yeah, im capable of alot more.

i am going to just....DO IT! nike style. maybe some people get to do what they want at an earlier age, ill just have to wait my turn. rush, NOT!.

btw, hope i win something in this MAS thing..so shitty votes though. HAI RAM.

breaking point.

2011-11-27T21:14:00.003+08:00

as how one cannot mask pain, I cannot mask my disappointment. this is horse shit.

Decisions matter in life. IF only I knew better THEN, this could have been avoided.

it's hard for me to be grateful when i know there is better out there. that there is experience out there i might never get, that there are people who HAVE these advantages and are using them brilliantly whilst I, waste away, or so i feel.

WHATEVER already. im reaching breaking point. don't want anymore expectations.

be what may.

2011-11-14T23:22:00.002+08:00

updates!!

about time kan, but my internet has been so bad these past few weeks, that even going online is blehh!

so me, keelyn and cal went for the Vienna Boys' Choir. It was really beautiful. Touched my soul, they did. With their soulful voice and innocent charm...and the incomprehensible Latin lyrics...it just all made me feel so profoundly cultured. This is how i want to be. I want to go out on dates and watch a play...I want to go to the opera when im free...maybe, visit museums whenever im tired of the fast life.

le sigh

someday.

anyway, my grams is in the green, green fairy land of New Zealand. she loves it apparently...damn, isn't she jet setting around the world, whilst I'm stuck here doing god knows what!

i've been very disorientated these last few days. what with my car mirror dilemma and my you-know-what involving my january 2012 situation.

other than that, i read ling chee ling's blogpost today, and i loved it! it's exactly what i've been thinking recently. its about the child in all of us. the child in us doesn't care about alot of things..whether theres the latest iphone or the prada dress or whether you've eaten macaroons in paris at the foot of the eiffel tower. the child in us does not care whether or not we're a size 0 or 18. the child in us just wants us to be happy...TO PLAY! literally, to just relax, make the best of what we have and be a "lost boy". to never grow up, listen to fairytales, eat chocolate and maybe, lose a shadow? lost a little, than shame on you sire, for you're childhood is missing you. im referencing "peter pan".

so whatever happens, no matter how dire you think a situation is, remember the child in you will always be happy with the bare necessities.

soooo...on a more happier note. ITS NOVEMBER NOW!!! wohooo, christmas is coming in a month's time. i HEART this season like a crazy person loves their tarzan hairstyle.

i really want to go out and get a tree, can beautiful ornaments and glow-y lights. sit by the side of it late at night, sip my green tea/hot chocolate, have a book by me and just enjoy the warmth of it all. christmas does that to me, makes me feel like a little child. it's like year in, year out, im still waiting for santa claus to appear magically. and YES, i believe in mr claus. boo hoo, boo you.

so till next time,

love

rosh

p/s happy birthday baby sis, i hope u have a wonderful time being 15! BIG 16 next year! well, right now you're annoyed with me...but i hope someday when you 50 and im 55, you'll understand why i was so strict..so protective..so, very merry bitchy!

love u pavitra!

2011-10-28T04:27:00.002+08:00

when you were a kid,

it was all so exciting,

everything was new,

people weren't all that bad,

trust wasn't something you took a whole day to decide upon,

it just came natural; instinctively.

when you were a kid,

you ate whatever was place infront of you,

you did not mind the calories,

and you knew nothing save greens are what mum forces down my throat.

when you were a kid,

you understood unconditional love,

there was no need to figure whether or not you'd get hurt or whether it would last,

you liked it/someone, then you gave it all your love.

your parents sat by the sides,

and thought you were oh-so loving.

when you were a kid,

you had tonnes of imagination,

you hardly ever said you were tired or bored

because if you were,

you'd just plop yourself somewhere for a snooze,

when you were a kid,

you cried when you were sad or in pain,

you laughed when u saw a funny expression on someone's face,

you yawned when someone or something failed in amusing you,

fact is, you never hid what you felt,

there was no mask,

maybe that's why they said we were pure when we were young.

when you were a kid,

you made all the noise and havoc you wanted,

you never knew,

just how silent the world would one day make you.

stuff

2011-10-25T02:13:00.003+08:00

gearing up for diwali, and meeting up with the besties...

and taking a romance movie survey.

i've watched 42 movies out of 60. isn't that something. haven't watched the other 18 movies, but im getting there :)

this is the link:

http://allwomenstalk.com/10-most-romantic-movies/10/

anyhoo. am not really looking forward to tomorrow. don't know why, there are butterflies for the verdict. yes or no? this woman is getting seriously tired with all the buzz about my 'stuff" maybe things should be just as how they are meant to be. i don't know anymore. but at the same time...I WANT WHAT I WANT. i can't stop from wishing for that.

i really can't.

anyway,

goodnite,

diwali is tomorrow.

yay....i guess

hope it will be good. nites folks

2011-10-23T00:48:00.002+08:00

what makes a nice person? today i was pondering on it, whilst sitting at the emergency unit at putra hospital. what happened, was a long story. I don't want to get into that for now, but the highlights of it were, my brother fell from a ladder after a little mishap involving a leak from an electrical appliance. yes, he was sorta ELECTROCUTED. the fame. but he is fine, all smiles and annoyingness.

so what makes you or me nice? is it cause we have alot of good things to say about alot of people. or the fact that some of us DO nice things for people and say little. how about, those little acts of kindness that sometimes either go unnoticed or get blown out of proportion. like when someone who is quite an ordinarily average person suddenly goes and serves food, one time, at an old folk's home. that's a one off act that I don't know, places the said person is the nice or just-alright category.

who sits comfortably in the nice category, for me, it would be someone like mother theresa and buddha and our mums.

but one thing is for sure, we have got to try. get out of our comfort zone and try and be nice. it doesn't matter if u said "fuck u" yesterday and decided today to go out and buy lunch for that little kid u saw loitering around the streets with a hungry look. it doesn't matter so long as you just try. and I want to start trying. there was this line in desperate housewives that caught my attention. "charity makes me nauseous" in a way, its true. sometimes i feel so sad for these people that i just don't want to be there. I don't want to sit around and talk to those old people or hand out toys to those little handicapped kids. because if i do, i am going to break down and im going to think this world is crueler than i already know it to be, and im going to hate myself even more for being so ignorant for so long. Most of all, im afraid that i will realise that i have alot and stop asking or seeking for more in life. but truth be told, there's nothing wrong with that, we were all told from young to always think of simplicity and live with the "bare necessities" to quote the jungle book. I remember when i went to the home for Down syndrome children, I literally stood frozen for a minute. I did not know how to react. here i was always complaining that I wanted this and that, and that my holidays were fast turning into some empty thing...yet just infront of me, stood these kids whom could not even get on their day-to-day activities without the help of a gurdian. what rotten luck.

but im going to stop feeling so much pity for them. instead im going to treat them like healthy people, be sensitive to them, and most of all ENCOURAGE them to pick themselves up and try. I acted weird around them which sent bad vibes in their direction...that was the most horriblest thing i could have ever done. my sister on the other hand, picked up a little chinese boy of 3 and carried him around and spoke to him and made ME even fall inlove with him. She has amazing patience, and she never judges poeple that have it worst off than her. That's the kind of person im going to be. How weird, she being the youngest, is leading all of us on the right path...for once.

but of course the person i have to thank the most for showing me this is my dad. He's made me see that i don't have to look so far as to Africa and India to see people who are deeply troubled and cruelly disregarded. all i have to do is look at my own state, and id see that there's so much in this world to be thankful, grateful and so much people in this world to help. this world, is not made up of designer bags and shades, makeup and rockstars. it started out with simple mankind, and it will end with mankind. so in the process between the start and the end of my life, im going to start making it more memorable. im going to start helping. im going to start being nice. its not going to be easy, HELL NO. like i said, step outta ur comfort zone. u think having a conversation with some hot hunk is hard? try having one with a kid that can only say selective words whilst trying to not stare at the child's weird body shape or the fact that he just spilled his food all over himself. THAT FOR ME IS HARD.

ofcourse the world is unfair...but step out of your own world for a minute, and ud see it's actually alot more crueler and unfair to the young and the old of the world who have become victims to fate. its all about being born in the right place, at the right time to the right people. not everyone has the privilage of being quite literally, spoon fed.

may the blessed realise their wealth and may the one's that are down on their luck realise that it can someday be all turned around

love

the weekend

2011-10-17T01:45:00.002+08:00

this weekend was AH-MA-ZING! like it had wonderful moments. the trio had our first ever holiday together...we were joined by peits alpha male, my sister, and afiffah(the other keelyn half) i swear, they are like twins at times.

so we headed to gentings, the city of entertainment and became children all over again. like, literally. even the rides for toddlers were not spared, such as the "teacup" and the carousel.

i think THAT was the most wonderful part of it all. like it wasn't something we planned to do(ride children rides). it was because of the rain and bad weather that forced most of the rides to close and, eventually, force us to play the only few open, which were kiddie rides.

but honest to god, it was fun....so long as you have great company.

there's something a little innocent and warm about seeing a couple of grown women walk about on a carousel riding on painted, plastic ponies and turning madly on a teacup whilst laughing and generally having a good time.

anyway, everything went well, I played to my heart's content, I had my amazing chat with peits over a hot macchiato in Starbucks and I had a good's night sleep ( much better than friday night)

and now, on a wholly unrelated matter:

i was reading up on somethings that scared me a little. basically its about the satanic influence that is so very evident in today's pop music and overall entertainment industry. IT IS SCARY. AND IT IS APPARENTLY, VERY REAL.

i still don't know to what extent i believe all these reports, observations and encryption, but there is definitely some basis of truth underlying all these articles.

It is the influence the supposed cult organisation called the "Illuminati" that praises well something very sinister and not very godly like. so, these are the links to the articles...and maybe, if you want to further your GK on certain things or maybe if you were ever curious, give it a read.

http://vigilantcitizen.com/musicbusiness/the-occult-interpretation-of-lady-gagas-alejandro/

http://vigilantcitizen.com/musicbusiness/beyonce-to-sasha-fierce-symolic-occult-rebirth/

goodbye for now,

love love

and stay spiritually good...after reading all these...I don't feel so safe anymore, I'm going to try and avoid mainstream now. Even if you arent religious (like me, well i am but in very small doese) do love GOD, do LOVE THE POSITIVE DIVINITY, do love being alive and being innocent...DO TRUST THAT ALL WILL GET BETTER...don't turn blindly into another belief, especially one that isn't all that it seems. Enough said, for I am not the best to preach on these things.

romance.still.needs.pretty.words

2011-10-12T02:15:00.003+08:00

why cuckoo sings in Autumn season
and rainy season turns up in the sky
at the time of meeting with beloved
why the weather changes
why colour is fully sprinkled during balck nights.
yes, after having my every part of body trembles.
look, my dear, my body and soul is dancing
the bracelet in foot tinkles and produces a song
there is a link with you in this song
why weather changes in this season

- read this somewhere, nice no? its an Indian love poem. Never let it be said that i was not a hopeless romantic.

romance isn't dead. Its still in existence. People fall in love everyday throughout the world. People also fall out of love in the same statistic. But the thing is, whether its the right person or the wrong person...who's to say? which means, either way, romance matters whether or not your falling in love with a future-to-be spouse or whether its a summer fling.

But then again, alot of people who are close to me may disagree. For starters, who am I to state what or to define romance/love. Which is true as I have never been in love. But THEN AGAIN, this could be the exact same reason why I am, in my humble opinion, THE MOST PERFECT PERSON to advice on love. because, I am neutral. My view is fresh, it isn't bitter from a heartbreak nor is it too optimistic from a perfect relationship. So, u know, im quite the Aphrodite.

anyways, that's that. word of advice, as a girl...we always like hearing pretty words.. BUT TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. there's a fine line that separates a compliment from a cheesy line. thank you and goodnight folks. till tomorrow.

love

rosh.

2011-10-08T03:19:00.003+08:00

baked bread.

went for yoga.

helped mum

slept like a pig.

got more dissatisfied.

spoke at length to my dog...we adviced each other. I listed down all my worries and problems, and she in turn advocated the power of remaining silent and resilient. LITERALLY, she did not woof a word.

thats it.

these holidays are killing me, but at the same time, I NEVER WANT THEM TO END.

goodbye

no love today.

hello October

2011-10-04T20:55:00.003+08:00

last chemotherapy for mum, over and done! 6 rounds of brutal drugs FINISHED!

finally highlighted my hair...my hair was touched with colour for the very first time, like a virgin. homage to Madonna.

learnt that I am a loner, i daydream to escape reality, i crave wealth, i can be prone to jealousy and i am passionate. An online astrology site stated, for my star, I can only express myself clearly through passion and romance. HA HA HA.

watched "my sister's keeper" ( cried), watched the "out-of-towners" again(LAUGHED), watched "an affair to remember" and fell inlove with romance- it was a 50's movie and very very nice. No sexual reference, no cussing just very gentle, dramatic love story.

roshwini, you have to now look forward for the future. It will be good. You don't need the right place or the right person to do things...THINGS CAN HAPPEN IF YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH. someone in Africa could be having more fun than the richest and classiest New Yorker. I need to remember that. I need to remember to make a difference to people's lives when i graduate as a pharmacist. I need to remember to always remind myself that it isn't always going to be about the money, it isn't always going to be easy...but i pray, it will be rewarding at the end and that it will be good. I am still hoping for a miracle..but sometimes, sometimes, you need to plant both your feet on solid ground and be aware of reality.

alright, bye, see ya you conflicted bunch of monkeys.

second last day of September

2011-09-29T19:56:00.005+08:00

Today, moi cooked Thai Green curry with prawns and a gazillion vegetables inside, cooked fish with thai paste and lemongrass. Baked a chocolate cake with mango icing for my student whom I tutor.

I feel so very accomplished. For the first time in so many weeks, i was up by 9am. Actually, I never went to sleep the night before. This is how i repay my excessive sleep disorder i have been suffering from since the start of the holidays.

everything came out good. the Thai curry was ah-ma-zing. everyone said so. The chocolate cake rose well, and was uber moist. So that was a win-win. It was so nice to see my student stuff huge pieces of cake into her mouth, say "thats goos" and revise PMR history.

and also, today was the last day of my tuition days. Over and done. felt good. hope she does well, would be nice if she could bag a string of As.

hehe.

and yes, i stared at her eating MY cake, the whole time, going "damn, i hope they left me cake at home". THEY DID NOT :( but no matter, i had quite a bit when it came out of the oven...hot, hot and chocolatey.

now im off, sister wants to get divine blessing from all the GODs of Hindu and Buddhist world. She believes, that by "bodek-ing" the gods', she'll score straight As for her PMR. like sister, like sister. haha

2011-09-29T13:04:00.000+08:00

At the end of our lives,
we will not be judged by
how many diplomas we have received,
how much money we have made
or how many great things we have done.
We will be judged by ‘ I was hungry
and you gave me to eat.
I was naked and you clothed me.
I was homeless and you took me in’ .

some saying from some place. It doesn't matter where, or who said it...it's absolutely true.

a monday in September

2011-09-27T03:53:00.002+08:00

When you get to where you wanna go
And you know the things you wanna know
You're smiling
When you said what you wanna say
And you know the way you wanna play, yeah
You'll be so high you'll be flying

- robbie williams, She's the one.

are you so high, you're flying?

i know. i am not. i need something better. and i WANT it.

today i baked a chocolate brownie and instead of a chocolate ganache, i made cream cheese frosting.

today i found one of my old favourite disney tv series. I found the whole series online, it's called "Dinosaurs" and it's amazing. brought me RIGHT back to when i was 8-9 and a fan right alongside my dad. I would say, it's a milder, more normal version of "the Simpsons".

today, me and my sister ate in pizza hut on our own on a rainy evening. we did not plan it, we did not even want to go in at first. but the rain was soo bad, and since we were alredy in the care, and pizza hut is 5 mins away from home, we thought WHY NOT? whats better than a warm, cheesy pizza on a cold, rainy day...nothing much beats it!

we even ordered lasagna, but greediness knows no bounds. we did not touch it, had to pack it up for home. taa, blew our cover, so the family knew we sneaked off to have food.

today, i chatted with mims, who is already safe and sound in India, Manipal. She sounded good and she said she'd call tomorrow. so i shall await, since i already missed her first few calls. Apparently, seeing cadavers is a pretty normal thing now after just 2 weeks of class. she has dissection class everyday, how effing cool? see thats the advantage a student in india, and possibly indonesia, will have over european grads.

time helps heal

2011-09-27T03:40:00.002+08:00

time does help,

time does help the bitter heal,

it clears the void a little,

makes room for other happenings,

time does help,

she extends her hand out,

to urge you to live in the present,

she zooms by you

because she understands,

as time, she has a responsibility towards helping the hurt heal,

towards reminding her children that there is a future awaiting all,

time does heal,

it doesn't change the odds,

it doesn't make the pain any less,

but she helps you understand your path,

she keeps you busy enough,

to not revisit the past.

time does help.

thus far

2011-09-27T00:48:00.002+08:00

saturday (24th of September 2011)

went over to kl. had some stuff to hand in to You-Know-Where regarding You-Know-What. I drove me and my dad all the way to Putrajaya. Exited at Kajang and cut across to our destination. I'm so much more comfortable with the Camry now. I can handle her better and it's fun, having to drive my dad while he dozes off...shows he trusts me with his car. :)

Then headed to Brickfields, KL, where Miss, April resides. picked her up from her hostel and went for lunch. Since, father is a vegetarian now, we decided (at peits suggestion) to go to the Temple of Fine Arts and have lunch. This is a traditional Indian Academy for the performing arts. there are dance lessons, singing, "tabla", and Odyssey and loads more. I used to learn dance in this very academy, except, NOT at their brickfields branch, but at their Malacca branch. Therefore, heading back to this Temple of Dance, was sort of, a significant moment for me. I studied with them when i was 6 right up to 13-14 years of age. So, you know, lots of years invested; alot of memories. anyhoo, when we reached, there was no parking so we ended up parking at a nearby Buddhist temple. So, my dad, being all religious now, and me, neutral to all religions decided to head in. Peits said the place was an absolute sight to behold once night came as most of the area would be alight and the main Buddha statue would be glowing as well. Honestly, I can most definitely picture it. Even during the day, it looked amazing. Huge grounds, and well, very good vibes. So i prayed, for the same old same old, and i was blessed by a monk and had an amulet of sort tied around my wrist. Felt good.

And then we headed for lunch. IT was reallllyyyy good. food was all vegetarian. The concept is, you come in, seat yourself, gouge on the food and then pay how much you feel like paying. NO PRESSURE. We even had a manggo lassi, at peits insistence. wonderful, wonderful. Everyone had seconds except for me. I don't do vegetarian very well and i was full ok. There was also some Indian fair/exhibition going on...so we went for that as well. Bought quite a bit since it's all for a good cause.

AND then, i met...... my ex-dance teacher. Mr J.T cheung. yes yes, he's chinese. and he is HOT. and i have had a huge crush on him before...so my i was pretty nervous when one of the ladies there said he was in the building after i casually inquired after him. She immediately rang him up and said one of his old dance students from malacca was there to see him. So, i met him. and he kept saying how he couldnt recognize me anymore and how i looked different. HA HA HA, ofcourse! This man saw me last when i was 12-ish and then he left. I was a whole other being then, physically and mentally. We caught up for a bit and then he left...and that made all the difference to my day. I was so so happy to have finally met him after all these years. I have always wondered whatever happened to him after he left, so that's one tick off my bucket list.

then we dropped peits off at her campus so she go to class and be with her beau for his birthday *romantic*. headed off to PJ to see grams, and then off to Malacca.

it was a good day. We did not head into any mall, we did not eat extravagantly, we did not exchange pleasant nothings.

Instead, we spent quality time, had ourselves blessed, we exchanged stories, heard my dad's stories from when he was a student at UM and how he used to lie with his friends near some fountain in brickfields after a heavy meal, a happy dad who had good, indian vegetarian food, a happy best friend who got a beautiful hand sewn pillow case from my dad, and I had a wish come true; i met an old teacher.

I think it'll always remain as one of my most memorable days.

the next day, miss april surprised us all by coming home a day earlier. she called me up and as usual, "wei, free?" was asked, next thing you know, i was in her car with her mum and sis heading towards Portuguese Settlement for a night of crabs, lala, bakes fish with sambal and mango juice. i loveeeeeee. it was really good. seafood always is, isn't it. so thank you darling, if you are reading.

say nothing at all.

2011-09-20T19:42:00.006+08:00

"When You Say Nothing At All"

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

heard this song yesterday, and i think, i love it. i especially like the line, " the touch of your hand says you'll catch me, wherever i fall". very sweet.

today i made a very malaccan dessert, i made "sago gula melaka". i have loved this dessert for ages, it's always served chill and i always went to the same place to get it. I never thought much about the making of it, i just always assumed it was hard. well, if not hard, then long, lengthy and tiring. i was wrong on both presumptions. its SO easy, its SO short and its SO delicious.

and also, Its SO easy to NOT mess up, the best part!

was in KL during the weekend. went over for my gram's belated bday dinner. well, dad wanted to take her out, so we all tagged along. (all meaning me and shays). so we headed to San Francisco steakhouse at Subang because i requested it. i actually wanted to try La Bodega as well at Empire, but ze old lady cannot walk so far as its in a mall. so san fran it was. It was fun, i had my lobster after craving for soo long. i did NOT know how much it cost, since the quotation on the menu stated 'market value'...so i ordered it and enjoyed every bit. it was coated in cream and cheese. yum. and it cause my dad rm230 i kid you not. and he was fine with it, i kid you not too...as most people know, he is absolutely careful with his money and this is NOT something an absolutely careful *ahem* stingy person would splurge on.

and i also had escargot. its french for.................... GARDEN SNAILS.

and oh my, it was absolutely delicious, i would recommend it. its so so so tasty and it came with some mixture of a sort of buttery-garlicy-herb filled-sauce.

it was a good dinner...company was ok, food was good. :)

then headed home for a bit of poker and old love songs and old tamil songs(the adults requested). i entered the card game with rm1, made rm16...continued playing and left with -rm5. yes, i lost rm4. lol but it really doesnt matter, the fun part was when i had my winning streak. had about 5 wins in a row, until i kept thinking, if this continues, everyone's going to get bored and also, people look like they're ready to declare mini bankruptcy. well, as wished, i lost...BADLY.

and now im off to wonder and ponder and thunder on how best to arranged my request.

so see you later folks, have a very merry and happy tuesday night

and may the good be good and the bad be.,..well not so bad, but do retain a little of your naughtiness for it keeps the ones who are good entertained and yearning for a much wicked life.

love,

rosh.

p/s: another song i liked. its from the '80's and it has very nice lyrcis. so ill post the lyrics, and if you like, go check it out.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers

You don't bring me flowers
You don't sing me love songs
You hardly talk to me anymore
When I come through the door
At the end of the day

I remember when
You couldn't wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now after lovin' me late at night
When it's good for you, babe
And you're feelin' alright
Well you just roll over
And turn out the light
And you don't bring me flowers anymore

It used to be so natural
To talk about forever
But "used to be's" don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
'Til we sweep them away

And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to laugh
And I learned how to cry
Well I learned how to love
even learned how to lie
So you'd think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye
You don't bring me flowers anymore

Well you'd think I could learn
how to tell you 'goodbye'
You don't say you need me
You don't sing me love songs
You don't bring me flowers anymore...

apparently, at some point during their marriage, my mum told my dad : You don't bring me flowers anymore....

IF

2011-09-16T05:05:00.002+08:00

if dreams were young and fresh,

since they are forever encouraged,

and hope and trust were carried on to reality,

would there be more of growth,

less of conformity,

and less of everything bland?

if you would believe in my dream,

if you would see the vision of something wonderful,

would you then climb aboard?

signal the go, and let the girl begin her on her road?

would you understand then,

that not all who receive opportunities

make use of them wisely?

not for waste,

but because somethings are worth the wait,

worth the sacrifice,

worth the sloughing,

worth,not being wise about.

it is an epiphany,

this dream...

of a youth to afraid of being misspent,

or mayhaps of a girl who has finally known her worth.

either way,

it is a dream

worthy of pursuit,

worthy of life.

pavlova done.

2011-09-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

guess who made a pavlova?? i did... i did! and guess what else...IT WAS A SUCCESS! yes it was.

it looks alittle like this, very similar.

im on a high. these past couple of weeks, my baker's jinx has *holler* exited my karma cycle. i am jinx free. well for now atleast.

i just has a bite with pineapple. and ohmygosh, either its the because its the first time ive ever made something like this, or because it's good...im inlove with it. its all crispy on the outside...and so so so sweetly gooey on the inside.

am i making you hungry? hehe i would probably be making myself hungry when i start re-reading all my post when im 80!

actually, i dont know why im bragging when there are so many other recipes out there that are so much more complex than this, i mean this dessert is only egg whites and etc etc. and no, it's not a secret recipe or anything, feel free to Google.

it's just that this baking/cooking/reading cleanses me like nothing else. it's all about adding the right amount of ingredients and cooking it for the right amount of time..

and if i read, it's all about the right amount of suspense, love, mystery, intelligence and comedy to reel me in fast .

but if its for serious reading, then the author has to ask the right questions. the answers dont always need to be exactly true, or right. but it's all about the 5W's. and of course historical reads are always good. ALWAYS.

paulo coehlo is good option, if ever you feel like your mind has grown a little fuzzy spiritually. I would recommend starting off with "the Alchemist". my all time favourite.

so yes, which leads me back to what i was thinking ; when life's a mess, bake/cook/sing/dance/read/sleep. WATEVER.

and yes, my life is a little messy right now. but who's isn't?

do you know at this exact second, what is stuck in my head? that maroon 5 and xtina collaboration - moves like jagger. no, im not into the song much, but the phrase, "take me by the tongue and ull know me"....JEEZ, am i the only one who thinks there's something less than innocent about that?

hmmm

weird thoughts. today, we had a special delivery. our very own special, huge TV. it's a Sony flat screen. i literally went out for two hours, and when i came home it was all set up and on the go. i was "aha, what?" but who am i to complain? my dearest uncle ji got it for us. how sweet, no?

when i grow up, im going to make sure im EXACTLY like my mum's brother and sisters. i am going to look out for my kin and make sure im the next best thing to their parents. my nieces and nephews and godkids are going to have and awesome godmother, almost fairy-like, if i may say so myself.

ok im off now. im not going to sleep, im going to watch glee on my new tv and wonder why people need flat screens? they make those actors look fat, lol, but that makes me happy, happy tralalala.

and don't say, oh rosh, then what about going to the cinema...well, I believe, in the cinema, the width is almost equal the height, so it evens out. happy, bitches?

and also, in other unrelated departments of my life. i learnt how to do the smokey eyes effect for when i go out and feed the dog and etc etc, and i watched the smurfs. PLEASE watch the smurfs. it is a sin if u don't. i proclaim it so.

now, love love

have a smurf'bulous day my lovelies.

rosh.

the very thought of you.

2011-09-10T02:09:00.002+08:00

this is one of my favourite songs.

"the very thought of you".

i dont know who originally sang it,

but there are so very many versions out there but the ones i like best are by frank sinatra, nat king cole, harry connick jr and natalie cole.

it's true, some people who think, and you have a smile for them and the very thought of them makes you happy. makes u feel safe, makes u feel loved.

i want to share something here, about flowers

its something an aunt of mine said

she said

"every flower has it's fate. some flowers end up as gifts, some for dates, some for decoration purposes, some for funerals and then some for the wilderness left to grow and die on their own. every flower has it's fate, it has it's role. some for happy occasions and some for sad moments."

nice right? i thought so too. she mentioned this randomly one day and it has stuck with me. so i thought, before all the other mundane and ridiculous affairs take precedence in my head and make me forget what she said, why dont i immortalize it here? make it permanent so i can see it anytime i want...refresh, if u may.

2011-09-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

how fucking true.

2011-09-02T19:44:00.002+08:00

this, below, is something we malaysians will never have to worry about. september will be like november, that was like august and somewhat resemble january!

2.13am.

2011-08-31T02:06:00.002+08:00

i.am.not.happpy.

i.am.trying.to.be.

this.is.not.an."emo" post.

this is me trying to make sense...

everyday, i fail a little more.

i need more

i deserve more

i want more.

until than,

i.can't.pretend.to.be.happy

and i WONT even try faking my sulk

it will be there.

till i get what i want

that's just how i'm wired.

because for the first time,

i know,

i deserve all i ask for.

goodnight,

and happy independence Malaysia. 54 YEARS of being free of the british.

people's words.

2011-08-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

There's always been something in a twilight that moves me, and a sunset speaks to me in a way that no sunrise ever has. - George RR Martin

Love doesn't limit itself to relationships. It is a celebration of life. - Paulo Coelho

''I want to tell every mother and every father who lost a child, I am sorry, but this is not our mistake,' he said. 'I swear to God, it’s not our mistake. It’s the mistake of every one of those in power who doesn’t want to let go of it.'' -Wael Ghonim

'' I can honestly say that every gift I've ever given has brought at least as much happiness to me as it has to the person I've given it to. '' - Oprah Winfrey

"Hatred is corrosive of a person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to freedom and democracy." Liu Xiaobo

''People see through somebody else's eyes today, so there is a big responsibility -- an image can be stronger than an army.'' -Oliviero Toscani

"If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched"

''I am completely disgusted. Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy? How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticise a size two figure?"
-- Ashlee Simpson hits back at media jibes about the weight of her older sister, Jessica.

" Not all treasure is silver and gold"
--Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Anyone can become angry that is easy,But to be angry with the right person; to the right degree; for the right purpose and in the right way, is not easy"
--Aristotle

"Wait a minute, I think I feel a hand."
-- Californian physician, Dr Alejandro Vasquez, recalls how his medical team discovered a surprise eighth baby during a rare multiple birth. Pre-birth tests had indicated that the mother would only have seven babies.

"There's only way to destroy your enemy: make him your friend."
--Abraham Lincoln

"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things."
--Winston Churchill

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
--Barack Obama

'Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.'
--Albert Einstein

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
--Mother Teresa

wishing we felt LESS in life

2011-08-28T23:05:00.003+08:00

even if I knew a million more words,

i could never express what I'm feeling right now,

its a jumble of emotions,

it's knowing that some of these emotions are uncalled for,

and some of them, cannot be helped.

so even if I wanted to tell you how i felt,

i could never put into words,

just what EXACTLY is going on.

but, something is going on.

so right now im a little like this:

i think if i had someone who would do this(the below) for me every now and then, id be less troubled by alot of things, id have the perfect distraction. i'd have...something else to ponder about.

and if you were feeling very adult-ish and very tired of your decisions and many problems, id say, take time off and watch DISNEY. it's incredible. and it will bring u back to an age where you were more YOU and less of what the world wanted you to be.

... i agree. but it's an adventure that has alot of maybe's and if's and sadly, no restart option. what if you made the wrong decision to get up tomorrow, or you made the wrong choice of not doing what you wanted to....well maybe, therein lies the adventure..of one day, finally figuring out where or what your mistakes were. but then again, in life there are no mistakes...juts fate and destiny right?

i miss winter. listening to dad's stories about kailash and how he would walk in meters of snow got me reminiscing of snow. i think, next to spring, it's my other favourite season. bloody hell, i want a holiday. right now! i want!

i am having this dining area in future. i definitely, definitely LIKE! oh my god...it'll have me at the head of the table and all my favourite people.

and everyone can only dine here by invite. no gatecrashers, no surprise visitors! NIL.

i hate surprise visitors. I mean, is it so hard to give us a call in advance and then pop on by? and then, since im normally bra-less at home, i have to RUSH like a maniac into the bedroom, don on more appropriate attire and give up my TV rights since the guest come first and since, they usually drown out the voices from the TV. damn.those.people.

i feel like saree shopping! i feel like diwali preparations...and i feel like getting all bollywood. i loveee how i love my race!! well, the fashion bits. its AWE--SOME!!!

alright,

i have nothing else to add, and if i do continue

id waste blog-space,

and id waste my time..and although ur DYING to read more about moi,

i have to say goodbye...

so to leave more intrigue abt me..
HAH!

love

rosh

2011-08-26T02:59:00.002+08:00

is it wrong to want alot from yourself? is it wrong to want to plan for an awesome life up ahead? is it wrong to be denied a wonderful future, even when one has proven oneself...over and over and over again. never disappointing. suddenly, somethings are not enough. some plans are not agreeable to. some moments require more than what was already done, some people, deserve more...and i want to deserve more.

i haven't got anything else to say, let's just wait and see on saturday. the deciding day, of it all! hai ram, i do hope all those years of wishing and praying will somehow come true.

loadsa love

rosh.

2011-08-25T14:13:00.002+08:00

would like to go here:

eat this:

maybe live here:

have someone tell me this:

it'll be the good life is I planned the future.

goodbye, off wishing somemore and dreaming some more... wheee?

today's update

2011-08-24T03:16:00.002+08:00

just baked uncle a birthday cake...

had 1000 tabs open on my uni thing...

am praying harder than ever

and feeling a little happy that as of right now, i know i deserve better, and im going to make sure that i get what i deserve

today was tiring...drove, and drove, and drove. fun. but bone wearing activity, it is.

seeing dad on saturday, am happy and scared. lol, he's going to see my one-sided mirrored car. am NOT looking forward to THAT. however, i hope he understands. also, am looking forward to my exam reward. i was nothing, save whats in my heart. i know it, and im going to make sure i get it. *wink* i really am not being mercenary or bad, i just knw what i want now...and i think i deserve it.

bloody icing a cake that is uneven on the top is irritating. it's like u go one stroke this way, u realise the other side needs another coating, so u go one more stroke that way and realise there's way too much on this side, so u go one STROKE, the OTHER WAY and hmmph, its back at square one...UNEVEN.

however, all home made things are sorta imperfect and therein lies the beauty. its not machine made, its not a product of something emotionally detached. it was made with love, happiness, expectation and amateurism. the perfect ingredients for a bitter-sweet life. a bitter-sweet but absolutely adventurous one.

adieu now

loadsa love

rosh,

when all you can do is sigh with wonder.

2011-08-23T01:58:00.004+08:00

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare?

the shadow form the background of the morgue

the unsuspecting victim

of darkness in the valley

we can live like Jack and Sally if we want

where you can always find me,

we'll have Halloween on Christmas

and in the end we'll wish it never ends

we'll wish it never ends.

god only knows why, that song is stuck in my head..and has been for a couple of days...your are already a voice inside my head, i miss you!

i am a whole mass of confusion. this is like being 17/18 again. im confused, hell yeah and im searching.

can some rich person come sweep me off my feet and rescue me so i dont have to face this. its tiring, and it's irritating and it's no FUN.

think.pondor.wonder.contemplate.weigh.options.maybe,maybe now?.reflect.ask.ask somemore.wish.wish MORE.think.

at I'm right back at square one. curse you, brain!

i want this place, i want this lace, i want this place and i want to be here for life! someday and IT WILL HAPPEN.

just the other day, vinz told me something, and it has stuck with me ever since. i never really got what my true passion was, until she mentioned it.

its history.

that's my favourite topic in the world. and not the complex dates and what not, its the stories behind it. the Egyptian tales, the pharaohs, Greek mythology, roman empire, the crusaders, the Knights of templar, indian tales, stories of Rajas' and maharanis', the Incas, the Mayans, Gandhi, Hitler, Attila the Hun, King Tut, Elizabethan era, The Tudors, the myth on king arthur and the knights of the round table, henry the eighth, alexander the great.

this. THIS will always remain my favourite escape in life. i am not going to study it for a major right now, maybe later, when i hit my mid-life crisis and im sort of done chasing the dollar sign or being in the rat race. i shall then, elope, take up a history degree, tour the world(for the second time) and die somewhere nobody can ever find me.

the above, is my MOTTO. literally.

p/s: god ive got one more request, help me! i really, really, really want it...WITH ALL MY HEART AND ALL MY SOUL...please let it come true. i see myself nowhere else doing nothing else. thank you, for everything i've ever had, and never had. it's all made me, ME.

love,

rosh

btw, i find this inspiring:

i have no excuse :(

results are OUT!

2011-08-18T19:35:00.002+08:00

and the results are GOOD!

yay. straight A's. 3As'. OMG i am on cloud nine. this was/is so beyond any of my expectations, but it was in every of my prayer and in every of my wish. and thank YOU god for making it all come true and if i may say so myself, for the first and very last time, i finally feel smart. hehe.

Till now, i feel like its still a dream. All i know is, i remember not knowing how to answer certain things, i remember thinking ALEVELS(edexcel) was a BITCH. but now, now, im so in love with edexcel i could kiss it all over!

and so im very, bery, merry and happy!! i only wish my dad would come down quick and give me one his bear hugs and probably have a small tear and say, "good! never thought you would do this well". LOL. he said the exact same thing for when i scored straight A's for SPM. made me laugh

and now, im just waiting for KEELYN to come whisk me away to somewhere hot and romantic, lol i kid, just SOMEWHERE, so i can celebrate. wish mrs. thomas chin was with us, but she's busy in KL. shall see her soon. so heres me saying goodbye, TTFN.

love love

rosh.

p/s: dreams do come true. just work at them...work really REALLY hard, like lose sleep and have ur whole world turn upside down...and they will indeed come true.

caring

2011-08-17T19:10:00.002+08:00

at this moment, there nothing i envy more than a person who doesn't care. Doesn't care about; what happens to him, what happens tomorrow, whether he'll be alive, or whether he'll get shot for being at the wrong place at the wrong time or whether he'll simply life not caring again tomorrow.

WE, humans, care too much. that's our problem. its noble at times, and its instinctive most times but it is also the root of so many of our headaches.

will it go through? will i be rich, successful and pretty? will the love i carry in my heart love me even after all our drama? will there always be a second chance for me? will i be kind tomorrow or will I be quick to judge and quick to turn sour if all else fails? will he look at me again? will she say whats on her mind instead of this "mind running around bushes" game, will they be happy, will we be happy? will tomorrow bring me good news or bad?

I care, way too much. my life IS my project. i want to see it full, blossoming, and successful.

im giving a girl tuition now days, and she's 15, chinese and is an amazing anime artist(just like the other 3 million or so across the world) but i dont tell her that, instead i say, "that's amazing! You should just be an artist". AHA!!

hypocritical of me. if that was my sister, best friend, CHILD or even cousin, i would've said, "honey, i best be seeing your head buried into those books and your mind buried so much deeper into those books, u be getting the fine print on ur nose for all i care"

but now. now, im thinking differently. heck, its ok. GO AND BE A FREAKING ANIME ARTIST!! if you're good at it, if your in demand, if u love it...you'll be an achievement beyond anyone's dream. my student, she doesnt like reading, says it gives her a headache and that there are far, FAR too many words, names and dates. yes, ofcourse i agree...i felt the same way when i was her age and i FEEL the same way even now. i mean, half the time, im asking myself? why read, you dont really care about these facts. but still, i KEEP ON READING, because its my duty to myself. you want that glam job with loadsa cash, YOU SCORE THOSE A's and u keep reading. but now, now i think she is semi-right.

Why read if it makes you miserable? why care if you have already found your passion?

when she first told me this, i had an insane urge to take a stick and beat that thought out of the child. i mean, in my books, YOU CANNOT HAVE SUCH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT STUDYING. you can complain, you can make a fuss but in the end, you make sure u read and memorize those 20310803010092038 pages that you have too. but instead, i advised her and cautioned her that she'd get no where if she did not know that H20 was water and that to find the circumference of a circle, u had a formula u had to commit to memory for the rest of your life.

but now, today, at this very second, i wish for the life of me, i could say, if it gives u a headache, leave it. if it makes u sad, don't do it. if you love it, live your life with it!

lol, imagine me, the tutor, saying that? i would lose my job. and anyway, its just a thought. mabe when im 70 ill start telling myself and all my peeps around me to just not care anymore. i would have nothing to lose then. that's the advantage a person who knows tomorrow is his last day on Earth has, and admit it, YOU DO INDEED ENVY THAT KIND OF LIBERTY!

the day after goodbye.

2011-08-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

my aunt left for UK yesterday at 8.40 pm. said goodbye at 6.45 pm and slipped in a handwritten note into her bag so she could read it on the plane. it was a letter for her and my other aunties and it was about how amazing they were and how thankful i was for everything they have done. I am missing her but still, its nice to have the house to ourselves. we've had family from UK over since April. so you know, this is a much needed break. though, they will be missed, as all great relatives are. so went to the airport yesterday and i had the time of my life ogling at hot middle-eastern guys, yummy pilots and some very buff europeans. and yes, i got a little green with envy at those irritating and pesky airhostessthatthinktheysohot!

today was normal. there were ups and there were downs. i guess, in a way, it all evened out. today was not so good for mum. I hate seeing her in so much pain, it hurts and it sucks. Till now, i just dont think its fair...how can one person be put through so much? however, everything in life has a reason, and every reason has a lesson. remember that rosh.

also, today i met up with the bebzwidbrains and we had an early breakfast at mcd. was fun, it was simple. we laughed some, we giggled some, we discussed serious topics, we sighed much and we ate. all in all, it was like eating with family. comfortable.

im always sleepy nowadays, im always lacking sleep and i just cannot bring myself to sleep early. staying up till the wee hours of the morning is something i look forward too during the day. its my "ME TIME". HEHE, ive always been a strong believer in having "ME TIME"...its important. especially when our world moves at such a fast pace and one moment ur popping and the next your out and about and blink of an eye, its tomorrow. so in order to make sense of what your feeling, of whats been happening, i recommend "ME TIME". sit down, relax, exercise a little, read a little, eat a little, dance if you want, drink maybe, bake, garden, sing, draw, paint, dress up infront of a mirror and model to your heart's galore, or just escape for a bit. YOU NEED IT! YOU'RE CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE, SOMETIMES, YOU JUST NEED TO SHUT DOWN AND SAY GOODBYE, "YOU IRRITATINGLY, LOUD AND OPINIONATED RACE OF MONKEYS".

hot? admit it. there's something frisky about mr.pert bum on the left. yep. i really, really, really want to go on a holiday. i just want something europe. just before my anything starts...but most of all, i want my results to be good. and i mean it, i want it to be AWESOME.

like all A's. who doesnt want straight A's. i was thinking and thinking about it, and i might as well wish for straight A's instead of trying to convince myself that i can/maybe/might/who knows get BBB. THATS MY MINIMUM REQUIREMENT MATE. i have to get that. HAVE TO. oh god, please please please let it be good. let me be proud. let all the work pay off, and let it be worth the while. let me smile/cry with joy/jump on 18th august 2011. let me make it work. let it be right. I WANT IT RIGHT, I WANT IMU. even if its a 13 pointer, i want it. please please please. ( damn do i sound desperately pathetic. but i.do.not.care)

beautiful. it brings me so much joy that there are still some places on Earth that are still beautiful. That are still so untouched. give me half the chance, and i would run away. run away to a place like this and fall madly inlove with me again. i realized, when im very turned off by a person or by an event, i tend to just turn cold. i become a stone, literally. you hardly get any emotion and questions are normally ignored but if u are lucky enough, i may reward questions with an impatient nod or shake of the head. Its a habit and yes, its absolutely rude. but then again, i am rude. i protect fiercely what is mine and what matters, and among those are my FEELINGS. they matter more than anything for my very sanity relies on it.

so what im trying to say is, stay outta my feelings. dont mess with them unless ur responsible enough to face whatever damages you may/may not cause in the future.

and also i realized, i like seeing people on love. its so wonderful. i mean, if people can take time off and fall in love and fall for each other, with flaws and what not, then i think their absolutely crazy and reckless and amazing!! that is what life is, its all about love. love is everything and everywhere. so yes, i like hearing about people in love. they make me happy, they make me wanna fall in love too and they make things like bombing, child trafficking, prostitution, HIV, assholes and poverty seem somehow, manageable and somewhat, trivial.

love solves most things. just dont complicate it, leave the drama for the silly people who have nothing better to do. dont complicate any kind of relationship. well, try not to.

anyways, im off now.

love you, and you , and YOU,

rosh

all of a sudden

2011-08-10T00:53:00.003+08:00

....all of a sudden i feel a lil down , a little crappy and a little :(

the above image is entire too true. its what im feeling ,now, excactly!

its been a week since my dad left for tibet, to climb Mt Kailash.

its been a week since ive had nobody call me 4-5 times a day asking me, "u still sleeping? why are u sleeping? are u alseep?" all in different orders.

mum had her 4th chemo today. she's becoming the kinda woman i want to be when im older. i dont know how she does it, shes still holding it together. even her oncologist today remarked upon it, he was so happy to see her still want to dress up, still eating still laughing even though she's now bald, is under chemo and is a single mum. remarkable.

my aunt, mohini, will be off this friday. back to england, back to my fav place to be, back to the european side of the family.

that is scaring me alot. i mean after this, for the first time, we'll be alone. WE"LL be alone with this cancer....eversince we found out, there's always been one aunty down from UK with us. praise the lord, they are amazing people, bossy and extremely loud and opinionated but also EXTREMELY wonderful.

when im earning, they are each getting a full paid holiday from me.

btw, 8 more days to go. damnit! i am feelingless. i dont know what that means, but that is what i feel.

pooh.

love

rosh

no tittle la.

2011-07-25T21:53:00.002+08:00

HAH! wish i thought like this. would simplify things.

this week was bleh. tiring. the volvo drove me nuts, first it needed servicing and then it needed ts aircond checked, and then the Tyre had to be changed and then i met up with the bebz-wid-brains for dim sum and then kee and I went out for a bit of starbucks, job hunting and window shopping. shopping for clothes bored me to death, but excites her like hell. shopping for shoes gets my eyes going as big as an owl's. looking at books gives us both the same kick, and that why we work.

i want a body like this. and u know wat. there shouldnt be an excuse. maybe i wont get something LIKE this, but i want some sexy body and now im on hols, there is no more excuse. i dont care even if i have to starve, its starting and i want to look great. FUCK THEM FLABS.

SAY NO TO FOOD that is not going to help me lose weight.

let it be known that i have a most peculiar dog, one that, chases and eats flies...one that can bang open a door...one that eats anything and everything, one that hates sleeping outside and loves, loves being in the centre of attention...and one that is a top notch brown-noser. jeez, when the londoners come down, she DOES NOT EVEN LOOK in out direction. its all about following her newfound friends wherever they go. what a weirdo...and so unbelievably cute. eesh betul.

ok im off. going to go somewhere, prolly front hall. cya and love ya..and goodbye.

love,

rosh

ingredients

2011-07-18T15:44:00.002+08:00

2 cups castor sugar,

1 cup grated carrot,

2 1/2 cups self-raising flour,

1 cup canola oil,

4 eggs (beaten till fluffy),

2 teaspoons cinnamon,

a no-nonsense oven

a good whisk ( electronic if can),

a good head on your shoulder,

to mix 'em up good.

you have yourself, a desert.

fascinating.

books ive read so far :

*my wicked marquess- the inferno club

*The follies of the king - about king Edward (II) Plantagenet.

liked the second one so much. worth the time, worth the read. the first one is a romance novel, but with more of a twist, a historical twist that is. historically accurate books are my kinda novels. i like historical romances, novels to do with the crusades, about red-indian history, thrillers that deal with mostly accurate accounts of events that have occured before.

btw, i have got a baker's jinx, just checked on my cake, SO NOT HAPPENING MAN! u know, i think i know my problem. i need to start weighing and measuring my INGREDIENTS. i have stopped doing that for ages now, and the problem is ive forgotten how a cake's batter is supposed to look like and the texture of it. i shall bake again at night or tommorow, and see how it goes.

anyway, im off. toodles. am awaiting miss lim keelyn to spare me some time...so here's a shoutout to you woman!!!im in malacca come rescue me. duh bye

love love

by the way,

im feeling london suddenly,

im feeling holiday in london suddenly,

im thinking, i gotta work at this...i want to go again.

love

rosh

2011-07-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

kill me. literally, i am at some deep, dark place.

i really cant take it anymore, this cancer stress and the aunty's are coming one after the other and they are fucking annoying. kill ME!! i love them, but hell, please go back to UK ASAP!

really, their fucking brilliant and fucking fucked up at the same time. KILL ME>

i feel like breaking down every now and then . and my dad is heading to Mt. Kailash, Tibet to climb that mountain. its some spiritual thing. and he'll be gone for a month so ill have no dad for a month. i dont know yet whether ill miss him loads, cuz he's been on my nerves these past couple of weeks. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE AMOUNT OF SCOLDINGS i, a 2o yr old, have been receiving these past few days. its unbelievable. and apparently, im a 20 yr old not acting like one, how disgusting. the mental, emotional and financial stress im on right now...is ARRRGGHHH. i miss shah alam. there you go, I SAID IT!

And then the car is having an air conditioning leak somewhere, so parts of the floorbed is wet all the time. fucking kill me.

anyhoo, im praying praying praying things get better. if not, someone is going to just drop dead.

come on la god, how much more do u need us to suffer?? haven't you got a brief reprieve planned for me?? everyone else seems to be so blessed and I just....I just cannot take it

update

2011-07-09T02:30:00.002+08:00

did yoga, ate like a pig although i woke up today and told myself quite sternly that today i WOULD NOT EAT SO MUCH!...im going to stop doing that and start telling myself the opposite. gee man, talk about my weak willpower. drooled over more fantasies about a certain half chinese-half egyptian chef from US...mr.chinn. hell, that guy has got me really captivated. Its not just about the way he looks, though he looks yummy, its more about the dude's personali. its oh-so interesting and oh-so humorous.

i KNOW, HE LOOKS WEIRD, BUT THIS is SEXY to me, so goddamn sexy.

this is whats quoted about him online, "Half Chinese, half Egyptian, raised in England, lived in San Francisco and New York and now based in Hanoi, *ahem* is one of the most respected chefs in Asia. "

u know what, it doesnt matter. he's just a celebrity, and im just appreciating his art form. and okay,he cooks. how sexy?? but what can i do, its not like i can fly out hunt the guy down for a date. and he's a year younger than my mum!! damn, too old. but honestly, given half the chance, even HALF, i would grab him with two hands and keep quiet in intrigue. i like older men. true story. i wish half the guys i meet my age could have the charm and confidence alot of older men have, let them have the quite assurance of KNOWING what they are made of...that is sexy. mumbo jumbo BOASTING that you drive fast, drink hard, sleep around randomly does not turn me on. letting me find out all that about you on my own terms, DOES.

anyhoo, im writing too much about the kinda guy i want in life, dumb thing to do girlfriend. but im free, with nothing to do, so im allowed to let my mind and my writings stray.

tomorrow, im off to watch transformers3(i think its 3?) with nabs, she's getting me a FOC ticket and its in 3D(i think?). will be fun. and ive also got a beach trip planned somewhere in there. we'll see how it goes. hopefully ill have enough time to get everything done...AND make sure my aunt has a good goofy time.

i miss shisha. and to think, it will prolly be a whole 6 months before i have another puff. i know i could do it in malacca, but when in your hometown, you (well, I then) often find myself being a good lass...i dont drink, i dont shisha, i dont club. but its ok, i am on holiday, and rest is on the agenda. speaking of which, its time to say TTFN, and nitey nites. loadsa love

rosh.

the amazing,

yes...someday mrs.chinn. please?

p/s...the Chef Chinn i was telling u about, well i wanna share a lil something i found online which CAN BE FOUND at his restaurant in Hanoi.

lol prepare to laugh...i howled.

Restaurant Bobby Chinn Rules

This restaurant is an Abba, Kenny G, and Gypsy King Free Zone. We also refuse to play any bands with more than one lead singer or matching sweaters. Female Teenyboppers dressed like whores with synchronized dancing are also banned! To preserve the dining experience, we request that you are well versed in mobile phone etiquette (SILENCE). All our Poultry & Meats are Halal or as close as it gets to Kosher… except the pork of course! None of the staff were harmed (physically) to bring you quality food and service tonight, or ever. Children's menu available upon request and duct tape is available for hyperactive children. Please do not ask us to split the bill other than by a number. We do not do “she had this, and I had 1/2 of that” very well. Please note that we have smaller portions at the same prices for anorexics and those aspiring. Also this restaurant is non-smoking, please smoke at the bar, feel free to fart there also. Thank you...

current thoughts

2011-07-06T00:46:00.004+08:00

my new heels

pre-holiday look.

dear whomever who sang pricetag, ur a fake. and u know it. it IS all about the money, money, money so have some courage to own up to the fact. u sing about life as if u live one of complete monetary deprivation, lets see u sing for free, lets see u NOT charge for an album, lets see u say "its ok, its not about the money" when your sitting outside, in the cold, hungry and with no dollar bills. pfffft.

by the way, im missing miss april tay pei ting like a freaking moon misses the stars and like a druggie misses the "grass" and like a rosh misses her oldest bestie. i got kee, so i miss peits, when i have peits, i miss kee. damn, i feel like its been so long since all three of us have been in the same room.

and honestly, being home in malacca has never once gone by without peits being home. so now that im home, and she isnt...im a little lost. and she always texts me with a "wei, hang out want?" whenever im home. and every time i drive past duyong, there is a weird urge to enter duyong territory and go see her. you may think this is weird, but trust ok, i've known her since i was 9/10 years old. ofcourse im close to her....its 10 YEARS OF AWESOMENESS!!! and she made it for my 20th, lol, though there was an ulterior motive involved which involved a certain perlis fella. ha ha ha, that is for later.

speaking of which, how long is considered appropriate or polite enough for a girl to wait on a guy. i mean if the guy, continually tries to drag things along and string u a few lines of pretty peppered phrases, do you still wait for him to make the big move? or do you say, oi u, cut to the chase, if you like me let me know, if u dont, then let me go???

sometimes, there are so many signs, some of which you cant ignore, and some which leave u questioning your sanity. you ask yourself over and over again, what did it mean? did it really happen or i imagined it? what is HE THINKING NOWW?? oh for godsakes, why is he talking to HER??

yes. been there, done that. i think its a useless, waste of good time. i mean, why cant all this be less-dramatic? why cant it be right to the point. if a guy likes a girl, then observe how she behaved around u, ask around a little to see if she's dropped hints, watch at how her pupils dilate when she looks at you and then make your move already??????

so back to my question, how long should a girl wait for a boy to make his move, i say, as long as she feels like she doesnt look foolish. once you fee like its getting nowhere, and once you feel like your dropping way too many hints that are left unpicked, please pick yourself up with your dignity and proceed to catch no.2

yep, thats what i think. *satisfied*

but then , at the end of the day, remember..do what your heart wants. people are much happier when they do what their heart wants.

by the way, currently am watching America's Sweethearts. no comment, save, everyone looks good in the movie. including, kiki.

ive been sleeping late these past few days, and its been getting on THE FAMILY'S nerves. including the father that does not live with me. they have all chipped in and told me that i need SLEEP. in not so many words, ive been called, silly, crazy,a sleep deprived child and i-dnt-remember-more. the speak about me like a third party...although im standing RIGHT INFRONT OF THEM. its always "she's not sleeping, i dont know what going to happen..bla bla bla". yes. im evil, i do not sleep so please, stone me to death. pffft.

ok im off to sleep now. i am THE driver for the family and they have already handed me a list of places each and everyone of them have to be at tomorrow. gotta wake up bright and early and face malaccan drivers on the road. some fun. goodbye and goodnight world. love love.

rosh

happy

2011-07-05T00:47:00.002+08:00

im there, at my H-spot. im happy...

i dont know how long it will last, but for now, yours truly has NOT ONE complaint in the world, well expect, how to make more money cuz im fast becoming broke. fuck.

no matter, ill start something soon. i will. oh gosh, rosh, U HAVE TOO!!! or can someone sweet talk my dad into starting a rm1000 a month allowance. I have to, i live lavishly, can't help it.

one of these days, before the new HP movie comes out, i wanna re-read all 7 novels again. i want to do it, because i can and because it will not be considered an utter waste of time and also becuz im a free bird. woot woot.

think mulan, little mermaid, cinderella, snow white, hunchback of notredame, sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast, tarzan, hercules, swan princess, Aladdin, the jungle book, bambi, the lady and the tramp, Pinocchio, etc etc.

went out yesterday with keelyn, was nice. wasnt wild or anything...it was just comfortable. went to an amazingly cozy/cool bistro located somewhere near jonker street. it was al fresco and we shared a beer, talked the night away, laughed, enjoyed the live band, and walked around later. then we went for lada land, the movie. seriously? i know, while watching the thai horror movie, it was absolutely terrifying. i was so scared that went kee left to answer a call for a minute, i literally closed my eyes and almost cried. all i could think was, i want out. i mean, even she couldnt take it, she was worst off than me...i think i saw more than her, hence she kept complaining, she paid rm10 to watch her fingers. jokes. and i kept telling her, omg omg, ITS behind them!! its BEHINDDD!!

geniuses that we were went to watch a horror movie at 12am...so thats what u get when two chickens think they're brave enough to watch a horror movie at midnight: u get two girls covering their face and eye area for 3/4 of the time. stupid. and then i had to drive home all alone after that back to grams, it was already 2.30am when i reached home...and yes, i got the look. from the mum. i texted her earlier saying mummy dear, im 20, and i will only be 20 once in my life..so let me LIVE. dear children, wrong thing to say *red alert*....Asian parents do NOT take too kindly to THEIR KIDS telling them how to raise THEIR KIDS. lesson learnt. but will i do it again? ofcourse i will. as i was telling kee yesterday, ive lived for two years in shah alam on my own, ive done things that my parents arent aware of(although i TRY and limit this from happening). and now, now i know that im stuck here for 6 months, my subconscious is urging me to just get out, and go live life, and do what i want (within social boundaries,that is). i mean i AM 20. im not doing anything rash, im just having a bit of fun, and im sorry, but i will AND WILL ALWAYS be a late night/wee hours of the morning person. i like staying up late and going out late. its ME.

someday when i have kids though, ill slap their faces if their out past 12 am. hehehe, i never professed to being perfect, oui, i am hypocritical. so? sue me.

--> is me during college days

today i did nothing that great, went out for satay to klebang, had ice cream, went to uncle's place, bakes a lemonish-banana-chocolatechip cake. yeh yeh, sounds divine right? taste divine too, just the only problem is, it taste more like a muffin than a cake, so im calling it a caffin. i so clever.

watched a persian prince speak in a dead heavy english accent earlier, dumb! prince of persia is by far, one of the STUPIDEST movies ive ever watched and will ever watch. atleast, movies like meet the spartans and the other X-rated/slapstick humour movies DO NOT PRETEND to be something they are not. u know what to expect from those movies, but prince of persia? i expected so much more, i literally thanked my lucky stars that i did not go to the cinema for that one. i wouldve walked out halfway. pffft.

yes i do feel strongly for it, i mean look at the way they portrayed persia in Alexander, that was spectacular. it was accurate and it looked authentic in a historical point of view. there was no heavily british accented persian princess living in those times. no pun intended.

now, im sorta breezily watching bits and pieces of wuthering heights...it stars julia ormond and ralph fiennes (Voldemort). it is a great novel, but the movie, is rather slow and idk, its old. veyr faded colours and very faded graphics( or maybe very little graphics). anyway, i should be off now. want to watch some "lie to me" episodes and go get shut eye. its already 3.22 am. i dont have anymore studying to do, yet i dont know why i still insists on sleeping way way way past a proper bedtime. idiot!

goodbye world.

till tomorrow, or whenever im feeling lifeless,

rosh.

p/s : i 100% believe in this, its true. if it isnt grand, dont bother getting too deep into it.

hello july

2011-07-02T03:34:00.002+08:00

report card day for pavitra, car tire got punctured, MP with dad, bro and sis, touchscreen phone for dad ( headache), sushi king, home, yoga, satay celup, McD ice cream.

i loved today. i want more completely filled up days like today...made waking up and getting off the bed worth it. seriously, i want romance this year. i want romance for this 6 months break. i am bored of single-doom already.

chatted with someone whom, well a year or so ago, i thought was hot as hell. but u know, talking to the person and getting to know the person, i realised, MEH. nothing so great, nothing that would tempt me away from my reality. not a disappointment, but just a realization...there was only a friend in the equation. nothing more, nothing less.

does not make my heart beat. someone made me realise, the person who makes ur heart beat a little bit more faster, a little more dab dub is someone who is worth considering, because chemicals are already flowing in the body so sexual chemistry is THERE.

when i die, i think im going to have a permanent laugh frozen on my face. like a OMG-its happening- how-funny-it-feels-odd look. lol

2011-06-27T01:37:00.002+08:00

these two pictures are beautiful (above). i loike alot. i like pastel colours that blend into one another so in the end, u really dont know where one colour begins and the other ends.

i cannot wait for when harry potter the 7th comes out. i really dont know how to carry on with my years after this, never being able to anticipate a new HP movie or a new HP book. the thrill, is fast fading. but i will always think i was lucky to live in the era of Harry Potter and LOTR. EPIC.

i hate this woman...arrgh, look at her fucking body, its PERFECT! its like a perfect 100 outta 10. i wantttttt....!!!

im only wondering if the girl in the picture above is real, im hoping, photoshop was involved.

this is so true u knw, especially when dealing with someone as complex as me, show me a few signs and be a lil sweet and im already close to planning our wedding reception. fuck.

robert pattison is hot. forget twilight. have u watched remember me? it was goddamn awesome. one of the best portrayal of vulnerability, especially when one comes from a twisted and broken family. watch the movie. and if uve ever had even the slightest of family drama, u can definitely connect with the movie, with the emotional message. with the pain. but, if u hail from a perfect family, sorry loh, ur loss!

i feel nothing-ness. its good. its like emotional detachment in which they always preach that we should practice. so im feeling nothing at all.

i really really really really dont want harry potter to end, i dont want the series to end, please dont effing end! these books, the movies, they have helped me through my teen years, through my rough and shitty years, these were the books that gave me entertainment, took me to a place in which i wished always existed, made me laugh, made me hang on to the edge of my seat and most of all, kept me company when all went a lil down. i heart u HP

POOH bear. i dont get hello kitty, i dont like stuffed toys, i dont understand pokemon and digimon, sailormoon and whatever mon. what i do get? POOH bear, hundred acre woods, PB & J otter, sonic the hedgehog, rugrats, hey arnold!. yep. yep. i had a good childhood.

aww this is so cool. im a gleek. through and through. and this are all their high school pictures. hehe i see ugly in some places and cute and clueless in most. dint they know? being a star was written in the stars for them? i wonder whats written in mine?

hence, in sync with the mayor's decision, i would like to wish neil patrick harrison and his groom-to-be a very happy pre-wedding celebration and a huge congratulations. they are finally getting hitched after 5 years of being engaged and after having twins..life's tough when u arent considered socially normal or acceptable.

i want to live here, with myself first. and then with my man. and then with my kids. and then with their kids coming to visit me. i want a house like this. perfecto.

LOLLLLL!

these flowers are beautiful. how come we dont get these here in malaysia, or just we dont get good photographers. hahahah.

i want a friends reunion!!! iwant ross, chandler, monica, phoebe, rachel, and joey back!!! every evening when i was younger ( in primary and high school) routine would be a must-way friend's episode. and my favourite-st...when monica and chandler started getting together but they tried hiding it, was really really funny. and also when phoebe got engaged to that cute looking nerdy guy...! and they got married on a winter's night in NY.

*disgruntled* whymustend???

hehehe but i can...mwhahaha

oh god. who ever thought of this one up was a genius, too TRUE!! i died a couple of hundred times, especially when they want my opinion on something, excuse me!! but the text book and notes u asked me to read did NOT teach me how to express my opinions, how and where am i supposed to learn that one?? stupid fellas.

uhmm, radical of me, but i find this hot. adam levine. wow...but its looks, like it could be small, wouldnt u agree?

J.K.Rowling, hunny, u dont have to thank us. for millions of us around the world, u were like our literary saviour. u brought us to a whole new world, and u never disappointed. even with ginny and harry and also hermione and ron. amazing!! so, thank you!

this was the first chapter, of the first book ( Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone) read it when i was 12 or younger i think , the start of a long and loyal and lifelong commitment to the boy-who-lived. it was the start of wonderment with the world of magic, castles and good old friendship. dudley, hahaha, pigtails..hahah oh god, i think im due for another read of the whole series.

goodnight world

im off...

love

rosh

over and done.

2011-06-24T16:51:00.002+08:00

its over and done. alevels is over and done. my exams, that have been the longest i have ever sat for in my life, is over and done. today was IT. the day i have been waiting for for two years!!! im a free woman. for 6 months. i think, i dont know what i am expecting for my alevels results. but for now, i just dont really care. a month and a half worth of exams, all finito!

ok so im happy... i cant wait to get back and slip into my normal life again.. the life where i am totally, and utterly commitment-free.

i will miss my housemates like hell. chams, mimz, and susan. i love these girls. we've been through literally all of our phases in life together. we're a unit, and hopefully, we'll always be. cheers towards finding friends whom become family in life. i truly, cannot imagine not being able to run on home to hostel and constantly update these women on my latest and craziest. of course, its all been vice versa as well. i do hope, god will bless us and let us continue on our education in the right pathway with JPA. i think an experience like this, is priceless and if ur lucky enough, u get to go though it and come out better than ever. the stress levels that i have experienced here, have been momentous. crazy. gut-wrenching. BUT, since now its all done and finished, i can honestly say i have regretted nothing. looking back, there were so many moments that can never be recreated elsewhere. these people here, are AWESOME. they're geniuses with amazing attitude. spice spice.

so now, im all set to get on with life. have miss my alaccans so much. my family and the kee kee and nabs, and peits and all. its good, i cant wait to rejoin them and to have my normalcy returned pronto. off now to a post exam life and the start of six months of pure, unadulterated fun.

love

rosh

2011-06-10T21:15:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA i used to watch the above show...i think it was called BOY'S WORLD or something. good 90's comedy! there were hardly any X-rated jokes.

just the other day, i heard GREESE LIGHTNING on my stereo in the car while i was driving alone back to dad's just before my heading back to KL trip. was EPIC. at 15, my classmates and I grooved to that very song and it got us first placing in our school's dance comp. it was hilarious and it was memorable. we were young, we did stupid moves...and nobody looked at us funny.

im the president of the procrastinating club these days. i just dont have much drive to sit through hours and hours of reading something ive read before but dont remember anymore.

awwwwwwwww. arrrrghhhhh. i literally cannot wait for the 24th of JUNE. this is how i fucking wanna be. running in my bikini on some beach with my flabs falling out. i crave freedome and utter licence to do nonsense.

woah I find these clothing HOT. i like black and white. i always have and always will. gothic..mwhahah.

this is me as well. i am a gypsy-witch-redoccasionally-bling-bling-R&B-loving fashionista at times. ok i lie. i am no fashionista, i am just rosh the HOT > yes u may bow.

say this to me...and im yours for life. cuz i love quirky people with alot of personality and character. i really do. i love originality...so to all the people in my life whom ive let into my heart...THIS IS FOR YOU!! RAISE your glasses...cheers *ILUBU*

its true u know. and also the other saying that women dress up FOR WOMEN. thats true as well. but the bottom line is. we, women, who care abt our appearances have stopped dressing for ourselves. its now, just to please the world. we wear whatever we think might attract a dude's attention at a club. we wear crazy 6inch high heels so our butt looks more sexier and rounder and hotter to attract a man's roaming eyes. are we comfortable? NOT VERY OFTEN AND NOT AS COMFY AS WE SHOULD BE, when wanting to dance. but really, if a man, can take a woman into his arms and tell her that shes perfect and tell her that he hopes he's perfect for her. and tell her, her mind has captivated him ALONGSIDE her body and smile. then, then that's a beautiful love story.

ahhh..this kissing scene is to die for. they should have hooked up. they could have made demented, complex children that could have gone on and stared in THE NOTEBOOK 2!

ohh god, now i really wish i could watch this again! fuck, i think i will. aft june 24th!! its a marathon people, and i promise u, i will not care if the sun rised and set while i did it,...cuz i will have no more guilt!

word. im baking. right after my lief begins.

i have a bunch of friends sitting behind me and having spasmodic laughter at some youtube video of a bunch of the gayest looking Korean guys this world has ever produced, hold on a sec, that would include all the korean guys. LAUGH!!!! anyhoo, they should a lil crazy seeing as the video is just centered on two guys in a toilet doing stupid things. i would laugh like that for peter russel. have i mentioned, i wanna marry him. he will make me live my life in a permanent smile, unless he starts using me as a muse and i start ending up in all his starting lines or worst, end up as his punchline. i promise i will go out and kill him and take over his show. im pretty funny myslelf. and yes, i would mind if u disagree, so just shut up.

how can a bunch of scrambled words reflect me precisely? i do not know, but they do.

ooohhh i literally wanna jump in my sit right now. i cannot wait. cannot wait for the end, and cannot wait for the end of HP. i will be so bitter sweet. more bitter than sweet ofcourse, since i hate goodbyes and this, THIS will be a permanent goodbye. the books are over and now its time for the movie to end. its so moving. its like another LOTR moment.

okayyy, just scrolled up, i think im on a picture spree. need to stop. going to sign off soon. need to.....*drumroll* STUDY!! yay, u guessed right...how smart eh? you should be a nobel prize winner. *sob* if u guessed wrong, ur smarter! u know how badly i want it to be the other way around. hai rammm!

my future home will look a little like this. it will be so gorgeous, so decadently luxurious that you would throw urself at me and say...U DID IT WOMAN!!! and i wanna live her with u. yes, u may apply to be my roommate, and i will screen ur credentials. mwahahha.

what it is, is what it is...

2011-06-08T21:30:00.002+08:00

to the girlfriends of my life, i do heart u in the biggest way possible. TPT and my kee and occasionally, my roomie and housemates. i do love u people, and the thing is...u will never know how much. especially these past few weeks, kee kee and TPT have been more than amazing, and i am so sorry that ive been calling at all odd hours and have been harassing your bum bums with texts laden with every single complain and fear.

so a big, warm, fuzzy, open arms...THANK U BITCHES!! LOVE LOVE!

today i was thinking , i actually like this old song called blue eyes blue ( and no, not by MIKA). children( MY future kids ok), if u are ever privileged enough to read this, i am an old school fanatic at times. please do not ever think, i am un-cool for doing so. i am absolutely cool, it will rock your world. well you'll know me once i start popping u outta my body.

heylooo i woke up at 11 am today... AND slept for two hours again sometime in the evening. WTF? and when i woke up, it felt as if someone had taken a stick and whacked the living daylights out of me. i was soo drained. you know what, i think its the after effects of watching INSIDIOUS. i mean, my soul travelling and all made me tired.

he he he ( thats my insidious laugh)

if you arent a born genius like me...or u havent been avidly following my blog like how my other 2 million followers ar (sarcasm!), you must 'ave noticed that im feeling lighter than i have been these past few days, actually for these past few weeks. ever since these exams started (may 16th), i have been progressively falling into a very noticeable and predictable rosh pattern of spiraling depression. I know i know, im 20, i should be more mature...but u knw, maturity is actually a non-stop process. NOBODY is totally and completely mature in life, we're all learning and earning our maturitiness one step at a time. till we die, we'll probably be only half way there. prophets and gurus of our time and the past non-withstanding or included in this rule of mine of course.

wouldnt wanna upset any people, now would I?

light light light, im airy and light...im a fucking feather floating away following a fucking breeze. awesome. i think i have to do one more thing during my holidays, i need to learn to curb this insane cussing hobby of mine. whether i like u or not, whether i like a situation or not...they have all be described with a "fuck" somewhere in between. anyhow, i have to go now. need to study study study. and i learnt something else, we have to stop questioning things, well i need to stop doing that. like i may think im learning alot, and i mean ALOT, of things with half of them being unnecessary in my opinion. maybe sometime in the future ill have a need for them...u knw like how to calculate what the probability is for getting a lying, cheating husband...or to find our whether my diamond is real or not..and whether it can cut a little metal i have at home. u know, someday, i believe, all these extra input and knowledge will have a reason and place!!!

loadsa love

rosh..

and kee and peits,

i love you too from the furthest star right back to my campus X!!

mind-in-a-mess, caution: read if sane

2011-06-06T20:55:00.004+08:00

sometimes, i wish i was normal. i wish i had the same kinds of reaction to everyday things like people. i wish i spoke more. i wish i had more to say. sometimes, i dont fell like im good enough, but then most times, i feel they arent good enough. im different, or maybe i try hard to be different or maybe im so common, its just blended into the surroundings. i dont know anymore. these exams are hard, im doing ok, but im scared shit!

i dont know why, i get so frustrated with people. i get so annoyed by the smallest things so fucking annoyed at their words sometimes. im just not loving this phase. i need and want to change. the holidays just has to help me out.

but maybe, i deserve to be a little off for a while. my months, havent exactly been perfect. i cant remember going through a more challenging year before. its meant to get better, i am always going to believe that its going to turn out ok! maybe even turn out good. hell man. i wanted to not post anything till after the exams, but what can u do? when i need to express it and my brain is mind fucked from all the other maudlin things, i need an outlet to let it all out.

ive left it all in in your hands divinity! im trying but u knw, fate is a huge player in the game of life. if meant to be, then meant to be. i really want IMU with a craziness, i really really want pharmacy. i just know i do. please please dont let me screw this up!

3rd june 2011

2011-06-03T12:33:00.002+08:00

this is where i was born. wales. i really have this crazy urge, to just leave everything now and book a flight back to the UK. this time, i really want to head out to cymru(wales) again. spend my days with her, get to know aberystwyth a little better than i did before. its breathtaking, the sights, the people and the way it all fell into place. me, being born, in a setting that is so ME.

on another note, a little update before i head back to revising, my old laptop got stolen. it was in my grandma's place in PJ, safely tucked away in a bag, in a room! and bloody hell, when we returned from kuala selangor, at night, we came home to a ransacked house. devastating i tell you. i have never felt that violated. but, honestly, im not that angry. actually, i wasnt angry at all. my only feeling at that time was shock. u know, u always assume that when u leave something in a house, its safe. safe from the public. safe from assholes. but, trust me, burglaries happen, assholes exists. i learnt!! so anyway, both me and dad lost our laptops. i lost my amazing music, all my travel photos, my documents ( though thank god all assignments are done and handed in) my movies...my thoughts on this and that. ALL COMPLETELY GONE!

but no worries, i got a new one already. and im typing on her right now. she's much smoother and well, like my mum says, a new broom sweeps well. we'll see how this one last with my umm, not so gentle behavious at times. till my next entry after june the 24th! much love. oh and yes, i turned 20 (25th may) it was awesome. i thought it would be semi bitter since exams were the next day and we had major three papers all at once, it was unexpectedly, a beautiful day. adios amigo. till june the 24th, when my life shall return to its fullest and funnest.

love love

enfys.

if i die young, remember me always happy :)

2011-05-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls

This is an amazing song. you have to agree, the words, the way its sung(good old country music). i love it. and its true, if i die young OR OLD. send me off with the words of a love song. and dont cry for me, i will be happy. trust me, i will.

life is so precious, its precarious at best. its a wonder that we all make it till the end, and only at the end, we realise what its all about. what the fight is all about, what those dumb arguments we thought were important, actually could have been avoided. all those silly tears shed for ourselve, should have been kept and shed for the people who truly need it, for the ones who know only suffering in life. i need to find my purpose. after my exams, i promise you rosh! i will dedicate my life towards doing something better. words, oh bother, for i know, are only mere words...to actually act on our words is a whole other story. and im hoping, i will do so.

for right now though, this is my last post until june the 24th onwards. my exams, they come first. all i ask dear god, dear universe is that i get into IMU with JPA's help.i dont need a whole lot, i dont need a string of A's, i just want my scholarship to be maintained and thats it. if the rest, YOU think im deserving of receiving then good, i will receive them with open arms.

so take care world of rosh-ians. i will see you soon...wish me luck...its going to be a breeze...ill make sure it is!!
love love
rosh.

the dates.

2011-05-04T04:10:00.002+08:00

we found out on the 25th of april.

it was supposed to be on the 7th...

we changed it and now it tomorrow. 4th of may 2011.

dates. they are important. for when i look back one day, i want that reminiscing to come in proper order. actually, if it wasnt for mimz, i never would have paid much attention to the power of dates. she can tell me exactly when she left home for boarding school, when she fell inlove, when she broke up and when she was born(lol, laugh la..it was a joke, the last one).

anyhoo, wish us luck, well namely, her. its going to be tough, but we have to do this. i think ive sorta learnt a lil of what the lesson behind this might be. happy, lim keelyn?

i think, its so that my parents would begin their keeping in touch again. they would start talking to each other or maybe even caring a lil. who knows? who does indeed?

im learning through all this, that i am not a very private person. what you see, is exactly what you get. if you allow me too, i think given chance, i would divulge every lil secret of mine. why? i realised its because some part of me is super proud of my past, of my strength and of the way ive conducted myself throughout these years. some part of me, cant wait to sit and share with you all thats happened in my life. and fortunately, i dont need to do this with strangers, my very own two besties listen to me anytime of the day with pained smiles(its cuz they have to listen to the same thing over n over n over n over again?...but they are happy people. i make them happy, its a common and true fact.

i need to sleep now. waking up early tomorrow and heading with her and him. lets just hope, it all goes well. hai ram *hands to the sky*

in some weird way, im learning everyday, im darn proud to be in a religion that IS NOT overwhelming. thank god, im not forced to do and practice things that i might not believe in or have the mood. or maybe, its a good thing i have parents whom have never forced me to do something, unless i was utterly ready and accepting= this is when it comes to realigion only.

:))))

or whatever that emoticon means..does it mean, i smile then stop. smile again. then stop. or does it mean, im smiling HUGE, till my chin. or does it mean, lookey me, im HIGGGHHH!!! cuz that emoticon looks a little disturbingly crazy.

love loads

the rosh

of all roshes...

the enfys of all rainbows.

ttfn

if pictures spoke a million words

2011-05-02T21:40:00.003+08:00

- im not doing so well. im just floating....ill be ok, but hell if im going to sit and pretend like im fine. the brain is hurt. my heart is numb, to be honest. this is not a cry for help. if u see me outside, trust me, ill be and am fine. but for just right now...i fucking fell fucked up. life, just isnt very kind right now.

maybe just maybe, i think its time for a tumblr. sorry for those, who wanted words. i cant really do more than these vague, brief arrangements of words.

loadsa love

rosh.

a royal affair!!

2011-04-29T19:43:00.002+08:00

i want this. its a fairy tale wedding. come on people, even the most cynic of you lot understand that this is absolutely magical. THE wedding of all weddings. His Royal Highness Prince William "blablabla" weds...catherine elizabeth middleton.

congratulations, dear young royals.

putting it into words

2011-04-27T18:21:00.002+08:00

simply, i am lost. i am neither angry. i am neither overly sad. i am neither losing hope. i cant write this down, i cant state what's happening. because if i do, it would seem all the more real, it would mean i cant hide away from it. Iif i say it out loud, shout it from where i stand and feel that vile word form in my mouth, would you understand? or would you give me the look, or ask me "you ok?" in which what i really want to answer is "what do you think?".

the advice?

has all been ignored for now.

the reason?

yeah maybe there is. the faith in HIM? yeh i have it, but can he guarantee success and joy?

dont worry?

what will you say when it all goes horribly wrong at the end? would u eat your words or would you still say, there a fucking reason behind this and DONT FUCKING WORRY??

its my life, a part of me that is at stake here. true, the rate of making it through is good and high...but still, its a disaster right from the start. its got a name that has made me cringe whenever someone has had it in the past. and now that its happening to someone who, quintessentially, is MY LIFE. i am cringing and in shock more than i have ever been in my life.

"we'll be okay. this too shall pass. come what may. whatever will be, will be. let it be."

these phrases have been alternating in my head. over and over again.

im believing in them , in their power to illicit confidence and a sense of comfort.

i guess at the end of the day, it WILL be ok. we will get back to being happy and the whole cloud of misery its name has brought into out lives will disappear.

2011-04-21T21:31:00.003+08:00

this (above) is a picture a friend sketched of me. how unbelievably cool? i know!! i like it too much.

never stop believing that! i think, sometimes i tend to thing the rule is a little lame...or too loosely defined or sometimes, i just forget the whole thing. but now, nowadays, i think...NOTHING IS FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. if i die tomorrow, i wanna knw that i was nobody else but MYSELF. AMEN!

a flower. so many things can happen with a flower. place a flower somewhere, and the whole ambiance of the room will change. romance? intrigue? death? a wedding...? anything. give a girl a bouquet of flowers, and see what happens. or, even..just a randomly picked flower. she will remember the last gesture for life. trust me. speaking of which, when is my handsome man-only-existing-in-my-subconscious ever going to appear in front of me in the flesh??? iwantmyflower!

HEYYYYYY arnold?? u would have needed to have been a 90's baby whose parent's let u watch all kinds of cartoons and who did not have ANY SORT of anime contamination or addiction. yep, that summarises my life as a kid. hey arnold! was awesome in away that made kinda serious/thinky jokes.

it was nowhere baby. you just fell for the wrong girl who couldnt understand ur passion for life and love. dont blame the rest of the women in the world for one miserable chick who broke ur lad's heart. theres a reason why people have different likes and dislikes in this world. its so that, when you finally make that connection with someone who likes ur likes, it becomes all the more special.

when i die, or when i marry. i want these lights. i want this lights because they look like cozy lights that sort of reflect the person that i am within. they look like little bits and pieces of the sky at dawn. they just look so quiet and peaceful for the soul. i want these lights. and another reminder, when i die, please for gods sake dont go into depression or cry buckets. i wont be sad. death is natural and its another process that i am all too willing to take part in, when my time comes. remember, if ur reading this and i just happened to drop dead tomorrow, remember that death never really scared me...it was always something i quietly wanted.

HA HA HA HA, i am a classic example of someone who googles just abt anything and everything whenever i want! trust me, Ive Googled worst! like...weirdest poem. stupidest tattoo...dumbest excuse...etc etc

my favourit-est walt disney cartoon. absolute favourite couple, alongside aladdin and jasmine.

disney always makes me wish that i could be "part of that world"

sexiest kissing location i have ever heard/seen. imma sexy librarian....and u had me at the moment u said: " i love reading".

TTFN!! tiger, pooh, christopher, roo, kagaroo, rabbit, piglet, eeyore and OWL. these guys i will never, ever forget. ill make sure my kids will never ever be denied the chance to experience proper cartoons like these. absolute magic! 100 acre wood.

thats all for now, im on a study break by the way. its a way of fooling us...we're on a beautiful break in which they WANT US to sit our butts down and revise. yeah! how fun! well im going to do it. its the final chapter and im going to ace it. going to do a six hour study thing aft this. im actually in love with the whole idea. love u all alot, world!! and wish me luck for now and for always.

love,

rosh

a brief one

2011-04-20T05:16:00.003+08:00

currently, ive just finished my effing unit 6 report. *does flip flops and then a crazy tribal dance around a bonfire* thats how ecstatic i am. honestly, when i first got this assignment, believe it or not, i was thinking, i am so doomed. it involved TOO much research and too much creativity for my liking. i looked at the senior's sample and thought, "genius!! GENIUS I TELL YOU!!" and now, now i have my very own report. all my hardwork is in it. every single statistical analysis and journal quotation. i feel oh-so proud. i guess it goes to show, stressing on the i-cant-do-this doesnt do much. just going with the flow with ur mouth shut, does!

work work work. get more done, less complaining. my new motto. every now and then though i do need a break and be the bitch-rosh that we are all familiar with. my victims? kee, april and vinz. occasionally, my parents do receive a little of my edginess. its 5.30 am now.

and im :

starving.

in need of sleep.

just completed my unit 6( word count was a bitch)

and am enjoying the rain. a slight drizzle but with alot of protest from the heavens above (thunder, la)

i guess this is it. about 25 more days left for my exams. im 1/4 prepared. so its time. time for me to shut the fuck up and just push full steam ahead. i pray god, i have the cleverness to answer those questions and i have the strength to last me for the 2 months long exam period. my bday is coming soon. and yes, i will be bloody stuck in between my finals. and im turning 20. i never realised how important turning 20 was too me until, ofcourse the year i would turn 20 arrived. 2011!!

i think, im amazed at how far ive come.can hardly believe that im no long a certified teen. im a tween. oh well. people grow up right. but i think deep inside, im still that gothic lil 13 year old that wanted to run away from the world and write poetry somewhere...or maybe im that 15 year old sunny rosh that thought law was the only pathway for me because i wanted to go out on a crusade to save all those abused women and children and give them hope. or maybe, deep inside i am still the 17-18 year old that was so adamant that microbiology was the ABSOLUTE and only choice for a career. and then there is the 19 year old, maybe im still her. still 19-year old rosh who almost let her guard down, and almost let a man into her circumference. well, whomever i am, i know this much is true... constantly evolving!! thats the one thing that has been constant...my changes.

alas, i must bid the net world adieu and au revoir. i have to sleep and tomorrow is the start of the revision day. loadsa love, the rosh!!

may peace be a blessing for each one of us and may dreams never stop at a small scale. may god always listen to our prays and hopes and wishes and be the judge of what we should deserve. may divinity realise that, all i want is my education to go smoothly. and that i want IMU and i WANT JPA and i want SCOTLAND, with a burning passion.

the rest, as they say...is unwritten.

what im thinking of now...

2011-03-31T19:12:00.004+08:00

was just looking at some random person's pictures from their stay whilst studying in the UK and now, all i can think about is UK. i.want.to.go.back. true say right, i should have been there, not here. dont get me wrong, its not that i dont love malaysia, i do. i love her to bits. BUT UK, thats my birth place. thats where i took my first gulp of fresh welsh air, where i got my name...where my heart sighs whenever it head there. i love it! i dont know how else to say it. i love the history, i love the architecture, im not so crazy abt the people(but who cares?) i love my family over there, i like the fashion! i love the openness of everything. nobody is tied down to a single definition, its all so free there. people hardly ever judge you, unless u associate urself with your own race TOO MUCH> for instant, being indian or chinese and associating yourself with only indians or chinese, well then lets just say that the way of living will be ALMOST similar to that of in malaysia. where religion, race and duty ties ur down in every way, no matter how much we try to break free.

i love the weather(did i mention?) i like how its always so busy and bustling with activity! its not crowded, its just brimming with people with different purposes.

oh how i miss u UK. how i wish i was back. and sometimes, i wish i was back, but not just for a holiday.

btw, the first picture, is oh my birth place = WALES!!!

and the second, was in madame Tussuad's wax museum with hitler!!

reaching out

2011-03-28T01:03:00.002+08:00

carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

E.E. Cummings. one of my favourite poems.

simple wish---> i wish the world got along. i wish there were rainbows and butterflies and roses without thorns on more days than not. i wish family would stick by one another. i wish, turning into adults will not colour out vision, will not colour it with hate and premature judgement. i wish that simple decisions in my life would stop involving you(if you still disapprove). i wish one day, you will stop having a hold on my moods. i love you to death, but if you dont believe, i can only sit back and stare. i wish turning 20, would finally mean something, would finally give me the balls to do what i truly want to. wish you were more common, than rare. i wish sometimes you would take time to be simple, to think common...instead of always sitting high up on your chair of principles. i wish you would stop being so blind to your flaws, they exist, as do all of ours. i wish that love and trust and joy will flow freely for you. it does for me, but i dont think for you, not just yet. i wish cynism will stop becoming you. be the change that you want to see....practice what you preach and accept people for the way they are, for we are not ALL cut from the same cloth.

last but not least, i wish this year will be good..and that my alevels will give me the results i want. i want 15. i want IMU. i want scotland, please and thank you!

hot and moist and dark

2011-03-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

my chocolate cake is sitting comfortably in the oven, whilst thousands, literally my friends, thousands of people in japan....are stranded in their own nightmare! nuclear meltdowns, radiation leaks, floods, missing people, dead people being washed up on shore, no electricity and d possibility of snow. well what more can i say, its a nightmare.

by the way, i have nooo mood right now to blog. god knows why....WAIT!! *screeching halt* i do know why. i am home, for a week...why would i want to waste it all by being an anti-social bitch. no can do!!

again, i say a little pray for all of u in japan...and i say an even bigger pray for all of us ard the world, just in case u havent heard, we could have a HUGE cloud of radiation smoke attack us all...

and to every bio student, what does radiation spell....???

M-U-T-A-T-I-O-N of the biggest sense!!! long live, our next generation, i should say. by the way, mutation is a long term thing. u only see the side effects once u breed and try to repopulate your ancestral genes.

cliche. but, i do enjoy.

2011-02-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

One day I decided to quit....

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality....
I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me....
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very
good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit
on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did
not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo
seed. I would not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the
earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and
insignificant....But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100
feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made
it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could
not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time
you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For humans , Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.

Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how
Great the Lord is!

Heavens door open this morning, God asked me...
"My CHILD, what can I do for you?"

And I said, "Daddy, please protect and bless the one reading
this message."

God smiled and answered, "Request granted."

----- many a times, u will have chances where u CAN opt to quit. when u can sit back, relax and enjoy yourself, for a temporary spell. BUT those are the moments that count the most. those moments where u shut the door of quiting and reaffirm your stand in life, plant your legs even deeper in the sand, and refuse to back down. those are the moments that define you. granted, we cant always fight and protect and get the best of everything. but i like to think, if you know alot about yourself, you will know instinctively, which things in life to prioritize. U WILL KNOW WHEN ITS TIME TO PLAY AND WHEN ItS TIME TO SHUT THE WORLD OUT AND SUCCEED.

we all have our moments, we all have that little voice that whispers suggestive little sinful things, that tempt us from our reality, from our goal. so long as u can priotitise, keep the goal at mind and strike a BALANCE of sort...u will find that, the option to quit become smaller and smaller.

and heaven knows, the reasons why we want to quit in the first place are more often than not, ridiculous ones. they merely are the product of a lazy mentality and a big dream-but small drive kind of person.

I.WILL.NOT.QUIT.

ITS MAY THAT I HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND, TRIALS ARE JUST AN MEANS TO AND END, THE END BEING THE FINISHING OF MY ACADEMIC SYLLABUS . SO I HAVE TO KEEP FOCUSED. FOR GIVING UP, HAS LONG BEEN FORGOTTEN.

superwoman

2011-02-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

its my 200th posts. what the hell?? and how did this happen? im feeling old now. 200th posts. and well, i have taken the time and effort to put my feelings and thoughts on this website...200 times? well done rosh, if only i knew your time was this free.

so make it memorable.

i will.

indeed, i will try.

im feeling super powerish. i just feel very superwoman-like. its like there this energy to do all and everything today. yay. i feel liberated. i can do this, my alevels, i can be the sister that does all and EVERYTHING she can to protect her baby sister and borther, i can be the daughter that makes her parents proud, i can be the best friend that waits patiently for her buddies to come home to her once their done with the outside world. i can be that girl who can look up at the stars at night or the clouds in the morning and think, i love it all. i can also be that human being who believes that if today is the day to go, i would have no complains at all. i feel like SUPERWOMAN!!

does the fact that i have taken so much of caffeine and like sugar have any effect on my new-found powers? we will never know...

immasoacemylife,immaleaveuchokingonthedusticreate,immaturnaroundandthengiveyouahug,

cuz that the kinda shit i live for in life.

now im off to do bio. i will do you so hard baby, u better watch out,love!!!!!! plasma membrane and all kinds-of-diseases-u-could-only-guess...here i come..weeeeeeeee

and i must say,

i love you for reading every piece of treasure(to me) that i write that sometimes comes across as junk(to you)....

and i absolutely adore you to the last open pores on your skin, and the to the last split end, and to the last zit that mite one day pop. and to the day you take your last breathe

roshwini!!!

self-love... will never break your heart!

a small fear

2011-02-18T12:07:00.002+08:00

i am without doubt one of the laziest people i know. i am without doubt the most likely-to find on a bed dead asleep person i know. i am the most, of MOST! but most of all, im realising now, is that i have a need, a burning need to do this right. this time.

but failure, oh, it keeps hiting me on the head repeatedly sometimes. sure, there have been times when i have done the victorious whoop for joy just cause i managed to beat me at my own game/ JUST BECAUSE I ANSWERED A QUESTION EXACTLY RIGHT?

i think i am becoming simpler. all that will make me happy these days is, the perfect result for my academics.

i am worried. but i am working too. so that should diffuse the fear right, well atleast by bits. unfortunately, im as afraid as i was when i was in kindergarten, and realised for the first time, i had to be on my own. rely on no one but me. thats exactly how i feel now.

i dont know if what im doing is right. if the order is right. do this first, and then save that for later, sneak in a lil core maths and maybe hope i have a lil more brain capacity for statistics next?

gah, i.dont.know.

just finished my core maths test. it was a lil quiz. granted i studied everything already but i did not do enough exercises for my vectors, which was why i was pretty stumped when answering a few questions earlier. but, doesnt matter, now i know the answer to my dilamme, i guess more exercise it IS.

just that...i havent a clue as to when im supposed to fit that in. my schedule is packed. and yet, *laughs madly* i still insist on returning home to malacca every other weekend. im going home today. this time though, it is for religious reasons. yeah , i bet your thinking, for those who know me only TOO TOO well, this is an excellemt cover up to hide my real reason for returning home; which they believe is homesickness.

however, happily, i would like to prove them wrong. there is this one festival that happens every year that always, ALWAYS keeps me spellbound and ever willing to participate. it is the Cheng festival. and the role i always play, or well TRY to play...is walking at night with the lit up chariot. with possibly, hundreds of devotees. it moves me.

it is the kind of gathering where people are coming together to celebrate life. whether they know it or not. it is to thank the divinity in their own special way. for me, its to thank my universe. its to seek infinite guidance. its when im walking bare footed on the tar roads, the very same roads that i drive on, i feel a sense of humbleness. at the end of the day, i am a no master, for life is no slave. at the end of the day, its all about walking at night without ur slippers, feeling the earth, the ground the spit and grit of manknd, under twinkling stars, while a crew of hundreds accompany u with nothing but POSITIVITY and simple happiness.

i hope today i will walk it through the whole length. and not give up like i did last year. i did not like the feeling i had last year when i walked halfway. not meant to be, but it was quitting. which until today, brings me the bitter taste of regret. today, with divinity and all of its wonder, i hope that i will walk. and all i ask, is that i have the strength and the divine blessing to win my battles in the coming walk.

maybe i cant afford to take this weekend away? maybe i wont get half as much work done as i what i was meant to do. but, call it faith, i have a feeling, i will be ALRIGHT... at the very end. i believe, i will be alright.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS, INDEED, INDEED.

love

rosh

To the fat guy with the pointed arrow, and then some more.

2011-02-14T22:02:00.003+08:00

happy V day. really, this post is not solely dedicated to THIS day, but more for an everyday thing. reason? i did not have a Valentine this year, i have never had a Valentine before, so fuck it, yes, i will not dive into the sentimental values that go hand in hand with the 14th of feb. all i can and want to say is, happy DEATHDAY, st. Valentine. i hope SOME PEOPLE, remembered u a little, eh. amidst all the chocolate, wine, sex, love, kisses, cards and presents.

life is funny in a way. when your born, the first thing you do is cry to show the world that you have ARRIVED and that u arent mute...that u have a VOICE! but as u go on in life, u realise, its the last thing you do when your hurt...its the first sign of weakness that people look for. but then after awhile, you realise, its still just as comforting as it was when u were a baby.

death will be nothing but another grand adventure. dont spend so much of your time fearing almost every aspect of life...instead, do the opposite. get hurt, get slapped, laugh...dance all night, bake at 12a, skip that no-carbs-today plan, drink a little, lie a little...because, unlike death, Life is a certainty. it is HERE, it is NOW. there is no speculation...u JUST NEED TO LIVE THE ADVENTURE PRESENT!

see no one told me life was gonna be this way,

your jobs a joke , your love life's DOA,

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

advice : if u want laughs, watch comedies. they are there for a reason. watch THEM. and tell me all 'bout it.

its valentines today, do forgive me but basorexia has attacked me! boo...need lips soon.

heading back to shah alam tommorow. i dunno what i did for six days in malacca. accomplished alot and nothing at the same time. fucking fucking stressed up now. bt watever, i have faith in myself. i will pull through. i will. i know i will.

which leads me to my next theory, if u blog and tumblr and tweet and fb ur life away, i will know that u really have got NO LIFE AT ALL. so chill okay every once in awhile, the sun, fresh air, blue skies, and green trees are awaiting you outside.

pink is pretty. if u can pull it off that is. sarcasm isnt pretty, but it sure as hell is funny. and u knw what is funnier than sarcasm??? people who repeatedly tell me they are sarcastic!!! LOL see that was funny.

id be lying if i said i wanna go there now. it would be bullocks. but i really do wanna go there in july. i dunno how, i dunno when, i dun care abt the 5W's. all i know is, once im done with everything pertaining to alevels, im off the hook. i will NOT BE WORRYING ABT ANYTHING. so that is when i wanna go to the below pictures location.

awww old love song/ballads. i do love u. i do sing u when im showering and i do fantasize abt some hot dude singing to me. not shouting it or serenading it on a mike, but simply whispering it to my ear or singing it to me real soft, real slow, real sexy. and maybe, just maybe, dancing TO it with me on our wedding day.

i miss the days when all i ever did was read Harry Potter and think my world was awesome and my day complete. i miss those days when simple things like reading Harry Potter, i could do without feeling guilty that i havent done a million other things i set my mind to do.

i have never had sex before. really, im being dead honest here. but if/when i do do it, and if it were him..he he he, i would run in the opposite direction with my clothes. lol, seriously he is super gorgeous and hot and really i would like nothing better than to get to know him better, but he is OLD. and weird. Tim Burton can do him.

my kind of jewellery. the pink hue is just the right tone. its vintage. i love. but mostly, when i saw it first, the whole magical part of it hit me RIGHT THERE! on my face la. by the way, i was just thinking, the perfect theme, for my perfect party for whenever(hint : 21). would be a magical one, or a all in white one, or a masquerade. i like the first two better. ahemm, hint!

showing your cleavage is sexy. i love cleavage. cuz its classy. its not exposing your whole boob, but its a sneak peek at what the lucky one could have. so ladies, alil skin, is really not wrong. do be so covered.

MULAN. FUNNy asia-meets-disney humour. and yes, the grandma was my fav character. her whole, lets test the crickets luck by walking across the road blind made me realise, you just have to LET GO sometimes in order to test how your life is going to run. the more u theorize, the more we principlel-ize, the lesser any of your beliefs will ring true. so let go bitch.

im still missing harry potter. i am excited abt it ending though. for all endings, there is a better beginning. i will now start believing all my crap sayings. cuz sometimes, just sometimes, at the dead of the night when im down abt something, i realise the something i said a few years ago, which sounded really stupid, was actually SPOT ON!.

my mother is screaming at me for messing up the house for the short duration that i have been home. i am trying to remain calm. i love her, its V-day so watever, i will just pretend i "speak no Americano" for now. toodles. off to study. i love each and every one of you, you Earthlinks. i love earth too...so happy valentines day. go get laid if u can, if u cant, have a box of chocolates. if u cant do that as well, well , then head to a book and READ....it will take you away to another world. one where its just you, and whomever u choose to star in it.

its the dream

2011-02-13T00:05:00.002+08:00

that i succeed. no matter what. so fight rosh. give it ur all. give ur best. its within ur reach now and for you to let it slip away at the very last minute, will be the most stupidest and most dumbest thing u can and will ever do in your life.

this is it. it may seem small for people. but its my dream and thus, it isnt small for me. its my life. and this is it. it is time, to make it work roshwini enfys muthiah. if YOU yourself cant see yourself living small, then make sure it doesnt happen.

off now, to go and make sure i focus. i will NOT go down. i will show myself, that i am worth every dream i have ever dreamt for myself. i am worth the joy, worth the love, and worth the effort.

love,

rosh

2011-02-05T02:37:00.002+08:00

my life's a broken record that keeps skippng in my head,

and i keep thinking to myself,

why we got to play these games we play??

---- ahh, good old cny has come and is going very soon, and with it, marks( or will mark, this sunday) the end to my ONLY holiday ever until after june the fucking 28th!.

and no, i wont even lie, i did not get much done. i did not bother. for the "first time" ever, i said, eleh, whatever, ill do it tommorow!

chinese new year has been awesome, as always. with credits going out to the tay family for making it special for me. every year without fail, i have a reunion dinner myself to go to. how awesome, innit?

and credits also to the lim family, for never ever letting me miss them for any of my cny's. we always make it a point to gather somewhere, and this year, it was destination : duyong!

very, very good indeed. seeing to the fact that i actually thought i wouldnt be able to see kee and her family for this year's welcoming of the arnab into our lives...he he he. never question. we are asians, we make our own rules! cheers.

i cant stay long. i have a uber long day tomw. suprise sweet sixteen partayyy and all. and then ive got to get back to shah alam. This time around, i dont feel as bad as i usually end up feeling when faced with the whole thought of heading back to dreary old hostel X. u know, i was just thinking the other day, after june, if ( n i BELIEVE IT WILL) things go well, i will only be enrolled at UNI X in january, this will leave me with fucking 6 months to spend in malacca. okaay, i love my hometown and all...but six months? just stuck here? with NOTHING and hardly ANYWHERE to go. i SHUDDER> ofcourse i have to work. its already been set, by the people-fearing mr. ravi.

so my plans for summer

work...or rot

while brother heads to london.

how fucking fun and fucking "fair"....

funny convo i have to share...

dad: *to me* whats the currency in Egypt? if u know this then ill take u along...

me: damn, i knowwwww this la....what letter does it start with..once u tell me that, i KNOWWWW ill remember

dad : no can do...whats the currency?? u have 10 seconds

me: shit

pavitra(sister) : I KNOW THE CURRENCY IN USA...can I GO THERE????

idontknowwhylove,butthatcrackedmeup....

january glamness

2011-01-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

am home..but i need to stop all this stupid procrastinating and start getting started on my pile of work that is, even right now, staring at me with an evil gleam and a message that says, "i CANNOT WAIT to swallow u whole and never let u out of my grasp!!! HA HA HA"....

wokayyy, i guess it may not be saying exactly that...maybe more of, "come on girl, the more u leave me alone, the more i replicate, and multiply and reproduce ... all on my own, so come attack me now!!"...

which is why i have to leave now.

but on a much happier not, before i say sayonara, i am HOME IN MALACCA!!! and duh, i havent seen my besties yet, cuz apparently they dont miss me much and are too bz. sad times, sad times innit bloggy?

aight then, i have to go...

pssst: tanjung bidara on saturday? with classmates...and with other annoying college mates...fun?? we shall see, we shall see.

goodbye

shortest post ever,

but watever,

i am POETIC!!!

love

rosh..

home again

2011-01-03T09:29:00.002+08:00

im back home. fucking depressing it is. im missing london with all my heart. i am missing everything and everyone there...i wish, one day, it will be home to me.

but it was nice seeing mum again after so long...it was nice being with the family...and its nice to know, now that im back, im one step closer towards finishing alevels..and getting on with pharmacy.

so this is a short post...but its just to remember the little bits i did whilst in lovely london:

-was a tourist.

-made vinz a tourist.

-ate so much pork i couldve bathe in it!!! i miss my bacon!

-took the coach to manchester...missed our assigned coach...even though we ran all throughout tooting broadway underground, victoria underground..and ran across to victoria station...we STILL missed it by like 2 minutes LITERALLY!!!

-had our coach to manchester break down in the middle of god knows where..so had to change coaches...whilst it was -2 degrees outside.

-actually enjoying my sheesha

-lining up outside clubs, with a dress on...freezing cold..shivering..yet having the time of my life!!!

-trip to windsor...missed our original train ... gt the second one with thanks to god that our ticket was a flexible one..

-wished upon so much snow that one day me and vinz will live in a castle after seeing windsor castle..damn u QUEEN.

-finally saw my fav dead ppl of all history in tombs in westminster abbey...say elixabeth 1, mary queen of scots...saw edward the confessor, newton and darwin's tomb...amongst many others

-drank until i was tipsy for tish's 21st bday

-wore a saree in the middle of winter..and rocked out all night in it!!

-snowfight

-xmas wonder...presents and turkey and stuffing...and JD and vodka and wine...

-fanta fruit twist

-fish and chips

-AFTERS desserts corner...awesome

-fell in love...with star(the cat)

-met iranians....guyanese and kenyan gujarati...and danced with a HOT HOT waiter

-went to birmingham...more xmas pressies..more snowfights..and more family

-cheltenham!! uncle cory's humour...vinz's tired yet i-have-to-do-work attitude..and gothic buildings from god knows what century!!

-the TATE and british museum...with crazy nudes..and mummies

-chilli paneer

-central london visited more than 10 times...AHAHA i was lucky mate!

the eye...big ben...parliment..oxford street...london bridge...the globe...and ofcourse..nando's and olives

-viewpoint, where car broke down with kasra asking some ppl who were stoned for help..raining heavily while we sheesha-ed and looked down all of london!!

-saw a Lebanese belly dancer while dining in a Lebanese restraurant for veena's 21st

-played monopoly on new year's eve..with a 21 year old and 3 19 year olds....JOKES JOKES...all fo my cousin's...

-had champagne and tried to down it although i hated it..for new year at 00.00am...

-tossed a coin into the fountain infront of buckingham palace....to wish a little a wish!!!

-found my twin in my cousin all over again...i miss her like hell...i really really wish i was back there again

-gt my JLO perfume again!!

-went crazy for the after xmas sales....

-sang in a tube real loud at 12 midnight passes with vinz..

-was happy...

need i say more...

this isnt to brag...this post isnt to make u jealous..though i highly doubt u werent!! haha i would be if i were reading this....but anyhoo, this post is for me..for me to look back on when im older..and tired of life..and wanting a holiday..this post is to remind me of how great a family i have ard me, always backing me up...and this post is to remind me that i am such a lucky bitch..and its also a reminder that its now time for the real shit in life..to get down and dirty with my books and that the fun was just over the top and finished...until july that is..and its to remind me, that if i ever think going to uk would be dull since ive been like 4 times...that i shud shoot myself..cuz its beyond this world fun(this is cause i have beyond this world kinda family)

love love

rosh..

from malacca...with my leave extended till weds...

yay

but really...fucking depressing to head back to college X

You scumbag you maggot You cheap lousy faggot

2010-12-17T10:46:00.002+08:00

and the bells were ringing out for Christmas day....

my new fav xmas song ,

new york fairytale-the pogues:

It was christmas eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me: won't see another one
And then they sang a song
The rare old mountain dew
I turned my face away and dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I´ve got a feeling
This year´s for me and you
So happy christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
Where all our dreams come true.

They got cars big as bars
They got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It´s no place for the old
When you first took my hand on a cold christmas eve
You promised me broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome you were pretty
Queen of new york city when the band finished playing they yelled out for more
Sinatra was swinging all the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night.

And the boys from the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out for christmas day.

You´re a bum you´re a punk
You´re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse I pray god it´s our last.

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For christmas day.

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can´t make it out alone
I´ve built my dreams around you

And the boys of the NYPD choir's still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For christmas day.

- for dear stanley, may u Rest In Peace...for now and ever more....93 was a beautiful number in which signified ur whole life...may d angels lead u now to the creato of all life....it was an honour, knowing u...however brief.

- its going to snow again, and apparently a white christmas is going to be reality!?!?! am i happy....i dunno. its gonna curtail alot of activity, but who am i kidding....snow on the 25th dec???yay!!!!...

p/s...i dnt want to board my flight back on the 1st....i just dont want to be home. *sob*.i want london for life...i really doooo...

im learning to stop feeling disappointed

2010-12-09T05:10:00.003+08:00

if your going to live right, u might as well know a few things...no 1, its never going to follow a straight path..and

no 2, heck, so what if all your plans never made it...and

no3, along the way, plans you never thought you wouldve made, suddenly go through without much ado(spontaneous)!

so yeh...paris is not happening for me this year. SAD SAD. i was so fucking disappointed when i realised that really things were not falling into place for me to be in paris sometime in this month. BUT, manchester is happening!! hell yeah..its happening tommorow!!! wheeeee

i dont care, im taking my joy wherever i can find it. and well its better since i saved a hell lot, instead of spending £59 for a return trip from london ----> paris....

im not paying £22 for a return trip from london---> paris. but by coach...bt watever!!!

so more money for spending on me....

i dunno why im updating.really. i was not meant to. since im on blardy hols innit. but i was thinking im on a one and a half month length vacation in one of my fav parts of the world, i might as well state a few stuff...make my blog-life look more newsworthy or whatever worthy so YOU, dear old gentle readers, will stay and read.

u can still close this window and get the hell away from my url if u want... :)

anyhoo, i shall be off now. am going to go on some crazy eating/facial/movie night while vinz does half of that with me and spends half of her time with her psychology essay...aicks. sad, no. but what can i do???only pity, since im on holiday....

life is good.

love love...

rosh

p/s...goodbye paris, i will come see u someday...i KNOW I WILL!!!

of little snowflakes

2010-12-01T04:40:00.002+08:00

yesss its snowing!!! i woke up to snow today and boy!! was i happy. i love it..i lovidy lovidy loved it!! we havent had our whole full blown snow fight yet, buttt well, we're getting to it. suprisingly, with it snowing and all, i did not feel AS COLD as i usually did when the chilly winter winds blew instead. those winds are like icy knives or like icy slaps on ur face. grrrrrr....

oh gosh. i know i havent updated for AGES now and actually i just did not plan on having any updates whilst i was on holidays in london. but unfortunately, seeing snow free falling in such heavy madness for the first time does warrant a special one-of-a-kind blog post of yours truly.

so wanna knw what ive been up too...its been 9 days already..me being here. yes, and its involved alot of partayinggg, booze and what not...well not too much booze( if any of my parents are by chance reading thisss??).

lol. i have yet to do much of what i have planned to do. but like i always said, plans just never really work out in the end... but its fun in a way, cuz this time ard, im doing less of what a tourist might do and more of what londoners do..well what london teenagers do..sheesa-ing...clubbing..outtings...shopping. its fun. and u knw ive been to vinz's uni and shit and it was fun. im actually going to sneak into one of her lectures on monday....see how bored ill get.

but i have met soo much more ppl this time ard, and its been fun. they're hillarious..and they're friendly. and yes, im surpised...cuz i expected the exact opposite. all in all, im having fun. the flight was good. i was NOT sick at all..did not vomit or ANYTHING and it was actually spacious. my luggage got through. it was not overweight and they did not weigh my handlugagge, so to whomever who heard me UP THER*points upwards*....thank u love, u are amazing!!!

dot dot dot.

and to be continued. love love
rosh..
spending her days,
in some awesome part of europe...
l00ooodon baby!!!

14 hours...

2010-11-19T20:04:00.003+08:00

im not grumbling. really, i am not. its FOURTEEN hours..that means in alphanumerics, its 14 hours...which is 840 minutes of my life..and in second...HA HA HA, really, do you think im gonna sit here and mentally calculate how many seconds that is...??

im lame, but not to THAT extent...yet. anyhow, i still have time.

song time:

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn’
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
Every place I go I’ll think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I don’t have to leave alone
About the times that I won’t have to say

Oh kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
I’m leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fourteen hours with my grams. YIPEE!! i think it will be fine..i actually have a list of concerns running around like ants in my head..i grab hold of one problem, and i can feel another one, bigger one, running all over my head demanding the itch scratched. i hope the bags are not overweight... i just cant afford it to be. LITERALLY, i cant afford it. since its air asia and all...and i dont care, i dont care if u know im flying cheap ( but really its still reaching 3 grand)...so i dont think its THAT cheap still.

and i hope that the little foodie bits we've brought in our hand luggage will be fine. and that they dnt weigh in our hand luggage..ARGGH i do not wanna get into this right now. love love...breathe breathe!! okkkaaayyy..im gonna go off and do some final stuff...make a to-do list for tomw..and i totally doubt im going to be sleeping today..HAH as if, i am too worried, too excited...to scared..and to think, on jan 1st, i will be flying home ALONE. without grams....damn!

lvoe...

rosh..

why do people do what most people think they should do??

2010-11-15T02:01:00.004+08:00

i want to update. woah. i need an update. how can a lifestory go so long without an update...but at the same time i dont know what to say? i dont know how to put them into words? im happy. i wasnt very happy a week ago(he week during and before exams). hell, that was where i was. just drifting from paper to paper at my finals..not knowing really, at the end, did i study o not?

woah...truth??i started on this post like on last friday...and line after line, believe it or not, i edited all throughout the week. and well this new paragraph is from/for TODAY!! what am i feeling...RESTLESSNESS, yeah baby! and also, i just came up with the blog title..just to woo you, then disappoint you!! mwahaha the title has NOTHING to do with anything in todays post. i am in no mood to be all deep and wise and reflective...but really, why do people..bla bla bla.*the above*...???...only GOD knows eh? best, diplomatic answer out there!!! when in doubt..put it on god's shoulder.

2 more days for me...for london..and suddenly i dont really think its that important. it just doesnt feel exciting. suddenly, not going would be just fine. HA HA HA..see i knew this was coming..whenever i get pumped for a certain event or holiday or occasion i always end up flat on my bottom with disappointment written all over my bare face. u know why...cuz theres that expectation..PEOPLE...ive said it soo many times...expectation kills enthusiasm sooner or later. and to add to the whole bucket of "not that INTO this holiday already", i have got soo much things to do prior to my flight which involves spending SOO much money. which has made me go all ..EEWWW!!! i hate spending money. i mean, i love spending MY money on ME> i just hate spending MY money on PEOPLE. well not too much of it. especially when ive saves soo much since effing march...and suddenly im seeing rm50 go by in a string of sisters out of my bank acc. it is so PEDIH...SO SO pedih???

hahah

and i have to go change my RMs' to POUND STERLING. loool..i havent done that yet!!! and i have to get asam for the familia in united kingdom...FUNNEH i tell you...see we(the malaysian side of the family) thought that they(over in uk) were SICK of asams? one of them told us to not bother with ASAM cuz they were off of it. and that made perfect sense, i mean, my aunty just came down like 3 months ago and she brought loads of asam back...

but apparently, we heard wrong..or we assumed wrong. THE BRITS WANT ASAM!!!!

nnn, i havent gt much for my aunties yet..gotta get 'em presents.

hey have u heard, prince idiotic william is getting married to someone that is NOT me?? why oh why...i have been preping myself for the role of future queen of england for like ever...HELLO?? why do u think i paid soo much attention to the movie, " the other boelyn girl"..??? i was looking out for the dos and donts of being a queen. but whatever la...i wish them the very best...in which i mean, i expect a divorce within 4 years?? that is like the TREND now..D-I-V-O-R-C-E with a big fat exclamation mark...

its a hollywood trend, its a malaysian trend...its going to reach the royals soon and become a trend too..i mean do they really think that they are so high up there on their gold thrones and mighty behind the gazillions of pounds tucked away in one of the palaces??? no no no, the divorce-trend will creep up on all ... and all with somehow succumb...

know why??...cuz we are humans with a voracious hunger. we have a very exaggerated idea of out worth, we always think we deserve better. or we need more..or we were CHEATED outta so much more. so yeh, so long as we think that, then definitely the thought of ditching what is beneath us for a more pristine object will always play in our minds.

so right now, im wondering, with all this in my mind will i ever get married? the answer is MAYBE?? if i find someone who can persuade me deeply, sexily and seducingly enough to abandon all my cynical views and to leave all of my distrust, then yes, i wouldnt mind embarking on THAT journey with him. i may/will get hurt in the end, but so what i tell you...ill still be a rockstar with my rock moves..*so says PINK*

by the way, me thinks sexual chemistry is very importante as a deciding factor when choosing your future AHEM AHEM...hubby sounds toooo tame? know what im saying...maybe ill call my man, my trazan man..free, uninhibited...swinging..and okayyy, i DIG the outfit. JANE, is one lucky bitch i tell you. know who i think would be soooo sexy in the sack? the ROCK (dwayne johnson). i was at the cinema yesterday, waiting for them to screen harry potter, and as they were playing their usual list of movies TO BE screened soon and a number of lame beer adverts, i notices two things...one, the rock has a movie coming out...and two,

he is MEGA hot. i think my hormones were out of place or something, but WOW...HOT..HOT HOT...

and even throughout the movie, i thought RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY looked super goodlooking as well..fred and george...arr my dear sweet readers, there really is not much i can say about them. i have always fancied the pair. anyhoo, about the movie. listen, if u have to line up to get ticket...if you have to wait till NEXT week to watch it..you bloody effing have to do it..i dont care how long it takes, and i dont care if your legs give way in the process or the thought of.."haish just for a movie im doing all this!?!?im QUITIBG" comes into your head..you VANQUISH all these negative thoughts and carry on waiting in line for the tickets

because, the movie is THAT good..its THAT funny...ITS that TOUCHING...and it is simply magically, amazing. i loved every second. there wasnt even ONE second where i was like...*ouch* they shouldve made this part better. sure they cut some parts out but all the huge mega scenes, are in it. just as promised. and the humour...*hai ram* ( hindi phrase for like...ohh god!)/..the humour was perfect! it was a good blend of bland british humor and american slapstick humor. its a really good good good blend. and well, maybe cuz me, my bro and sis have been exposed to the ahemm, lame british humour alot, we were just cracking up in the cinema. and trust us when we say, there were times when it was only our howls of laughter you could hear in a little confused contingency of people.

wah, i must say, albeit for the splotches of maglish here and there, my vocabulary suddenly looks very WOW. dont you think???this ofcourse had to come when i was already done with my muet. couldnt it have come and visited me whilst i was having a slight case of writer's block during my essay paper...*muttersandgrumblestoheartcontent*...but honestly, i cant be bothered.

whheeeee...m off now, gotta go change and head outta town. and yes, i am driving for the millionth time. I AM SOO TIRED OF DRIVING. especially when im driving in a state tha has only JUST progressed to banning bloody buffalo carts on the road alongside the motorvehicles. i still have to deal with the trishaws ( beca man)...the motorbikers who think that they great great grandaddy all had shares on the government tar road so they randomly cut zigzag here and there..and they even like to look BEHIND whilst doing what the call "biking" and what i like to call..drunk man on the road. there are times when my big fat volvo has to wait behind a tiny motorbike on the main road, cuz that poor confused motorbike suddenly believed that it could ride...front,centre of the main road. DAMN!

so london in two days eh? hope it goes well...i hope i dont regret anythg..i hope the past stays in the past..i hope that the fun i envisioned will double, triple itself....just so i can have the break i need just before the main event..the main exam...my ALEVELS...

so now i have to START packing...START the whole buying asams and whatnot. loadsa love

love

rosh..

academic peril

2010-11-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

prayer to the big guy upstairs,

i pray to you that u somehow create a miracle for me.

yes, i know. what i am asking for is so petty and really not at all life-threatening compare to other more, well critical, prayers that come your way...but mine is still something that is important to me, and thus, i feel, it must be important to you as well.

i am trying so hard. to revise. to study. to try and try and try and try to make sense of whatever i am reading. but i dunno? sometimes it goes in, sometimes it doesnt. i know there isnt any sense in hoping or working towards a 15 pointer, but what im asking for is something that will still be safe. that will enable me to walk around ALM with my head held NOT so low. so that my parents dont get called in. thats all im asking for. i dont care abt the rest already. its fine with me, i just know that ill do EVERYTHG and ANYTHING to do well for my alevels. this exam, well it isnt that imp, rite? it is just some internal stuff..

so, to the one upstairs, well im sending a prayer up to you. for all that i have done or havent done, well i do apologise, but i also want to state that...well u lose some and u win some in life. so whatever wrong i have done, i think, ive pretty much realized what they are and where they went wrong. i havent got much regrets and im going to keep it that way for the rest of my life, with your help, of course. so now im going to shut down this comp, and try and try again to get some stuff into memory. and all im BEGGING for is your help. i have always been a big believer of urs, and although i am not a believer of religion (ANY religion)...i do know for a fact that you are a power that exist in everyone of us, that the power that you wield will guide sunken souls and bring egoistical snobs back down to earth.

i am already feeling very fragile and very very tired within my soul, so come what may now. for i am just resigned to accept whatever hurdles come my way, but i do promise you, i will put up a fight. no matter the strength involved for it may be a small fight this time, but it is a fight nonetheless. a fight to prove that i am still here. i can still study. that i deserve this scholarship!!

happy diwali

headache

2010-10-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

the world is spinning, im still stuck trying to hold my ground. trying to not move so fast so that it doesnt all just pass in a blur.

exams do this to me.
me become = moody+procrasting-ish+depressed.

i have SO MUCH TO DO THAT IF I LIST IT ALL OUT U WOULD SCREAM AND DIE AND I WOULD ALREADY GO JUMP OFF THE BUILDING BECAUSE
IF I LIST IT ALL DOWN< THAT MEANS ITS REAL>>> THAT MEANS ITS COMING AND IM DOOMED IF I DONT GET OFF THE NET RITE now!

soo i just wanna say..motivating factor..my holiday trip..*jumpjumpjump*..ahhaha in like 21 days??somefink like that
i cannnnnttt wait!!! london in winter!!! i hope it is amzinG!! i hope that just cause im looking forward to it soo much it doesnt get screwed or messed up due to some unresolved business i have with some ppl over there. im trying to stay uber positive and just tell myself that its going to be alright..im going to ignore those people and just well, stay far far away from them..although honestly, i would love to do otherwise. to think, my big fat gob got me in trouble just makes me wanna puke. like i spoke the truth...and yet it felt like the world believed me a liar. although, that version of the truth is true, for me. its the MY-TRUTH that i spoke about to the wrong person.

i was being honest...i was being naive...i was being just too trusting. and now, i have to face the music. and to think somemore, the person who make it all come into the open is the one person i still love and trust with my life..STUPID MUCH?? yes i know. but i also know, sometimes you just need to get that things happen. things happen, whether purposely or accidently, we just can never say. its up to us to not let the situation alter our neutrality too much. sometimes, if your awkward then the situation will definitely turn awkward for u and for everyone else...

so im going to be as un-awkward as my body and mind will permit. im going to smile, laugh, joke ...ask u this and than WITHOUT thinking, WHAT THE FUCK???

and now, im going to go off, and study. yerp. i am. so byebye!!
love
xoxoxox
rosh

2010-10-18T00:56:00.003+08:00

*imlaughingoutloudatsomenutassesversionoflife!*

that crazy nut ass happens to be ms lim arr..

hilarious.

i would paste the link here.

but im lazy

and secretli, i just wanna keep her blogs to me and peitz only.

so google her if u want laughs.

google me if u want sadness cum laughter!

im shah alam now, and to think, 3 hours ago i was in malacca driving for the umpteenth time to the hospital to go visit my mum.

she was admitted for her hernia op, and thank god it went well...BUH, well, they say the recovery stages hits u the hardest. even when u get hit or u fall..it doesnt hurt as much as hw it does when ur body tries to recover, to push past the pain and get a grip on reality...to not SLIP away. there were a number of times when i caught my mum looking dazed. like she wouldnt speak. and i cant help but think, maybe she just wanted to slip away then. which is why staying in the hosp when she was in so much pain, kinda tore through me. i din really wanna be there..but ofcourse i was. i am her daughter first and foremost.

maybe if i were her, i would wanna slip away too. u know, what with how much she's had to deal...i would wanna die as well. i still do in fact. people always told me when i was child, that growing up was not as fun as it looked. that it was complex. work, family,friends. they just din mix as well as they did when we were younger. i agree now. GROWING UP SUCKS. i guess, peter pan had it right the first time. jheez, i bet wendy regretted her whole "peter, we need to grow up and bla bla bla"...if they make another peter pan movie, lets focus on grown up wendy. DID she like where she was??what kinda person was she?? still reading bedtime stories, or fighting with demons from her nightmares? and did she ever think, i wish i never grew up.

growing up. more freedom they say. its cuz u have more decisions to make. and these decisions are HUGE, life changing ones. so the freedom u have enables u to screw up ur life and have no one to blame.!meh.

in a grown ups world, its all so screwed and messed up that the only way for them to move on is by acting and believing that all that twisted lies and truths actually MAKE PERFECT SENSE. grown ups accept the grey areas. no other choice, no other option. for instance, we were told that if u lie and hurt someone, there would be hell to pay. yet when we're older, we lie, and cheat and hurt so many people around us. and u know what. we can ALWAYS justify our actions, simply cuz it makes perfect sense! cuz we're grown ups now innit.

they say lies and kisses make happiness. when i was 12, innocent and naive me, believed this WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! no way right. how can we be happy with lies. but now i know better... advice to all...if u think its going to get u into more trouble or if its going to hurt people, fucking use what little creativity left in u and fabricate something. don't go all good samaritan and spill not-so-wise-to-spill beans.

eg, if u think ur dog would get hurt if it knew that there was a better dog before it and there might be a better dog after it dies ( IT WILL DIE!)...then don't tell it. lets all just pretend that it will live forever thinking its masters thought it was one-of-a-kind.

"why do we bother with love, when it doesnt last??"...good question taylor swift.

"in our family portrait, we look pretty normal, we look pretty happy

lets play pretend and act like it comes naturally"-pink

today my dad asked abt my mum. suprise suprise. know what ?? i actually hated it. i felt like it was wrng. like he had lost all right to ask about my mum. i guess. im still not over it. the whole, cheated...bitter....dirty memory of it all...still plays from time to time.

yes, ive grown up. but i don't think im matured yet. maybe, all my immaturity has been very well been hidden from the world with my lack of verbal communication most of the time. i hardly talk much. sometimes, i try and show u that im displeased with my whole silent-communication thing. matured, much? sorry..nope.

sometimes, i sit and think, maybe that the bloke whose gonna get me at the end of this lifestory is going to be in on some crazy adventure that might involve more lows than highs.

he better prepare himself. hahahah

mentally deranged immature(slightly only la) woman on board!!!

lov

have-to-get-back-to-bio-and-banana-cake-now.

giggles hysterically btw, FUCK OFF!!!

2010-10-14T17:50:00.005+08:00

this is to every single PERSON, BOOK, LECTURER, EVENT(CHEM TEST) THAT just combined their bullshityness to make my day go so wrong.

u know what,

lets just save a good deal of time here, and lets just blame them as well, for the sorry-ass month i have been having. ERLACK! its been bad...

i overslept one of the days when i had my bio lab. and it HAD to be one of those experiments that continue from the week before. so i had done mine partially and was abt to continue with it, but unfortunately my mind had other ideas, so i reached lab an hour late.

and then, just two days ago, i had my MUET. lameness. lameness i tell u. it was at 11am. so i got ready and by 9.30 am i was all dressed and etc for my speaking test. i wanted to catch the 9.45 am bus to campus X. BUUUUTT, being so incredibly,bloody idiotic! i accidently locked my room with d padlock. u wanna know why this was such such such a bad move on my part? because, sayang, i had left my housekeys inside. and my front door was locked since my housemates had left earlier to go to college, so guess what. i WAS LOCKED INSIDE MY EFFING HOSTEL UNIT!!!!

and to boot, i had a stupid MUET test. and u know how people on tv always showcase their talents at picking locks. they make it look like a breeze, weeeeelll. trust me, its far from simple 'ABC'.

so anyway, long story short, after calling a lot of ppl to come save me in distress, someone managed to get the hostel staff to come and bail me out with their set of keys. it felt like i was being released outta prison. LITERALLY!!! to think, sometimes the places that are supposed to be the safest for us can turn around at times and become the very thing that suffocates us, holds us back and just 'cage' us.

u know what...other stuff happened today as well...but, im too tired to type it all out. and i think the whole act of being annoyed and then wanting to blog it all out a little has actually been the therapy i was seeking for. im better now. come what may, life. throw ur worst, im prepared because I'VE LET GO ALREADY!

i will be the bull. i will butt the obstacles. but if i cant overcome some of them, then its fine, for there are other pathways to discover.

today, its the start of the 3-day prayer for the goddess saraswathy. i was actually meant to be vegan for 9 days, yet i think im only gonna start today. *alamak* though i had squid today.

nvm, ill still start today. afterall, its the thought that count!!

anyway, a little info for those that want to know. goddess saraswathy is the deity of education. She basically controls the academic side of the whole administration up there in heaven where apparently all them GODS reside. aahah dont be a fool. if your laughing, you can stop now. u see, us hindus, we're smart. we know that people are fickle in their mindset and very shallow. so what did they do ( ancient hindus that is)???

they created many deities. these deities act as channels, like for instance, if u wanted money, you would pray to goddess lakshmi. if you wanted to preserve and conserve ur life or the world, you would pray to the trinity ; shiva, brahma and vishnu. and so on and so forth. but in the end, all we believe in is that there is ONE DIVINITY. there is one all supreme power that dictates the course of all life. i like to think that hinduism is an inter-connected study of how one life coexist with another...

KARMA BABY!!! haha need i say more??? im sure u know what its all abt...what goes around will always come around...what goes up must come down...what good u do, will be returned to u in some manner. its not that we're doing things just cause we expect proper reward/punishment to be handed out, its just that, it makes us more aware that there is a universal balance that should always be preserved. which is why a world so filled with good...will not be so good at the end of the day.

enuough philosophy for now,

i am just bidding my time for when 8.15 comes and i shall board my bus back to malacca. YUMMY YIPPEE YAY!!!

however, it wont be all fun and such. mum is in the hospital, she just underwent a surgery...so right now, i think shes in the recovery ward. so im bascially rushing home to see her. and with my taking care of her weekend, i have to fit in my 'need to study for wed's bio exam' this weekend.

wish me luck!!

loadsa lov

rosh

and all ur pretty little things will break one day

2010-10-12T01:25:00.002+08:00

i think people break easily...
i think we are all a little damaged inside,
a little psychologically disturbed.
i think we dont value ourselves enough...so that means, we dont value anything around us enough.

don't go for pretty things, cuz like us, they break easily too. they arent meant to be sturdy. they were never made to last. more of an illusion. more of an unrealistic and unflawed dream.

we prized our little possesions. we keep them safe, take care of their surfaces and make sure nothing scratches or tarnishes the near-perfect look? we do this for all our pretty little things.
we make sure, they look good enough. but for whose eyes? ours...or for the people who peer into our lives every once in awhile to

make observations and pass judgements? yes. be honest, we do it for them.

we want the big flashy car, we want to announce to the world that we have enough money to splurge on this and that...we mention the shopping, we mention the cars...we mention the achievements ... and we make the not-so interesting moments look amazingly fun just so the outsiders can catch a glimpse of our interpretation of the "perfect life".

we want to be known as the pretty ones, the clever ones, the fun ones, the witty ones, the heroes...the savior.
yet doesn't anyone realize...we're all just a bunch of sore losers trying to cover our every failure..our every teardrop...just so , just so we can be accepted. can be taken into the circle of coolness?

i think thats why ive struggled almost all my life. i have never been able to bow down. to accept being normal. to be just like the other girl. i am different. i am not pretty. i am gorgeous in my own way. i am not humble, because i believe in too many things in a too strong enough manner for me to just pretend nonchalance.

so many people may think i am a waste of time. its alright. it HURTS LIKE HELL, but its alright. because unlike pretty little things, i am built for keeps. to last. i may cry occasionally about it, but its alright. because i know, i would not have it any other way.

so im just saying, next time ur out looking for something or someone, dont choose pretty little things. try the unique other, try the not-so pretty one, try to make something out of an unconventional idea.

be DIFFERENT for gods sake. and don't murder other people's individuality!!!]

ps.
i dun quite understand this post either. but like all things, they make sense after awhile. so if u dont get it NOW, dont worry, for the author still doesnt get it either!

love
rosh

fab T.G.I. friday!!!

2010-10-09T17:09:00.003+08:00

no no, i din head to T.G.I's buuttt i had an amazing friday night yesterday!!! fab fab fab fabity fab fab!!!

i loved it!!
i went for the ultimate tennis showdown that was being held in shah alam's stadium in seksyen 13. and i sawww

anna kournikivo, martina higins, goran, pat kash, ivan somthg, and something wilander!!! woah. i was amazed! they played tennis, and they added a bit of theatrics to it. made it so funny it felt at times, like i was watching some comedians prance about on the court with tennis racquets and balls as props. AMAZING!!

i am obviously not going to be able to write like proper coherent sentences now, cuz as u may have guessed, im still a little starstruck, im still a little amazed and dazed, and i am omg inlove with jay sean rite now. actually, he's just hot!! and im inlove with that hotness. granted, i knew he was hot. but when i actually saw him live, on stage, OMG OMG OMG, super buff!!!

by the way, did i mention?? i met jay sean. mwahhaa. well he was the guest performer at the end of the whole tennis fiesta, and so we were rewarded with his hotness as part of the whole gig.

and we were up front and centre!! and another thing, we got in for FREEEEEE

isnt that the most joyous word ever, next to my name lah ofcourse!!!

our seats were worth rm390, yet yet yet, we got in for free, because we are in CAMPUS X !!! how amazing!?!?!...

but not everyone in my batch wanted to go, some people, just were to LAME! lol. who would pass up on an opportunity like this.

aft the whole concert, we actually spent 30-40 mins, just running from one exit to another, just to find out where jay sean would come out from. we actually pulled open one of the doors, and the bodyguards behind the door were pulling it back. we just wanted to see him, get his AUTOGRAPH!! but the nut was apparently too tired to entertain us. *sob*.

*sob*..a million times ok. we did not give up though. we were chanting his name, asking him to come out in punjabi. and since his real name is kamaljit singh..HA HA HA. we kept screaming...KAMALJIT..come out!! autograph ya??

ahha epic la. it was amazing. i cant put them into words, but all i can say was, it was uber cool. there were these chinese dude from my alevels as well. and one point when jay sean was jokingly asking whether anyone wanted to do a duet with him, this dude just suddenly started jumping up and down and he was like screaming out the exact lyrics,word for word, of the song jay was singing.LOL. i just like was screaming..."pick him pick him!!!"

aduhai. i have to go now. gotta study.

i miss yesterday already!!!

lov lov,

rosh

nostalgic

2010-10-06T22:36:00.004+08:00

certain things can trigger certain emotions in people. sometimes, if your lucky i believe, certain things remind people of YOU. your memory surfaces in their minds when they hear a song, read an article, drink something, laugh at a joke or just lie face upwards staring at the open starry skies...

today, it happened to me. you know, when your just idly sitting somewhere, thinking of something mundane, and looking mental as you chuckle quietly to yourself as you relate a certain event to a certain someone in your life. these people are the people whom you've spent almost all your life getting to know, falling in love with them. good or bad, who really cares? their awesome to you, they treat you like you really mean something ... you really matter to them. when their hurt, you hurt. when their happy, you are part happy, and part worried, wondering how long will this last until the next thing comes crashing down?? and when your out of it, over the moon mental with joy, over the moon down with tears, these are the PEOPLE I THINK ABOUT IN LIFE!!!

i breathe them in. i survive because i have a mum who makes me feel like the most precious gift on Earth, a dad who takes time to send me a text every morning with a "hi kutty, hows ur day?", two bestfriends in malacca who take me in for who i am and who stick by my decisions and who just completely crack me up whenever i need a laugh, i have two adopted mum's, peits mum and kee's mum who i LOVE to lepak with. their uber cool for their ages. they are my best friend's mums'. and then i have a grandma who makes me tear up everytime i think of the day that she will leave me, and i know, that day will probably come sooner than expected. after all, we are all mortals.

so let me just sum up, what things remind me of who....and hopefully, this list will grow and grow as the years go by, as i mature. to include more people who will come to mean more to me. maybe, god willing, it will include a nice guy, and a couple of kids as well.

(elizabeth arden)green grass perfume - my grandma

R.kelly's "i believe i can fly" - dad

akon's "nobody" - mum

water - keelyn

St. Peter's Church - peitz

Johann Sebastian Bach's "cannon in D" - keelyn

cheerleading - peitz

Barney Stinson in HIMYM - chaman

chocolates,vodka ribena - Dhipa

maggi mee - vinitha

booster - pavitra

i am allowed to dream, no?

2010-10-05T21:19:00.007+08:00

since i have soo much time on my hands, what with my exams just ard the corner, *please get the sarcastic tone of this statement*.
anyhooo, i just started surfing the web, and weeelll, i just wanted to save some of my dreams into my blog lol. like archive it. this are a bunch of pics in which i hope i can translate into reality when im older.

let the pictures speak now. by the way, i want to be living overseas during this time(in d future that is)!!!! thats something that i want to make a dream come true.

this will be my front door. to my home. so WELCOME!!

this shall be one of the bedroom's i have, for when i want to be my own princess.

the jacuzzi that shall dominate the people's attention.

THE DOCK

where me and my loved one or ones will lie down, staring up at the blue, blue skies and just loving life.. or the place where we cry our eyes out to the many stars scattered acorss the midnight blue sky...or it could also be the place where we hold hands and just thank god for our lives!

one of the outdoor baths...love much?

my bathroom. i would love having THAT view to look forward to every morning

my very own spiral staircase....

my bedroom. where the special magic takes place!!

for the second love of my life; my books.

my workplace. because, only with a comfy bed can i produce my best work

doesnt this just trigger a magical world for u?? this will be in the garden. For me to just relax and get intouch with my world of magic wonderland and maybe, even for my romantic nights...

my informal dining area. yes, the dog will be bigger, maybe a shaggy breed. is that even a breed? i don't know. but its that dog from the movie, "shaggy dog"

and finally the baby the HOUSE itself. i think well it will have this concept, but i would deffinitely love NEIGHBOURS!!!

i am allowed to dream, no?
and i will make this dream come true. maybe be even better than what i have, for all my life, imagined and pictured.
but for this too happen, i need to work hard. i need to ace this and work and make alot of $$$$
so yes, this is part of my motivation now.
i want a home as beautiful as this.
i want a place where the outside world ceases to exist, where all miseries fade away
a place where friends come to escape another fate,
where family come to bond,
where mothers and daughters grow
where a husband and wife will live happily ever after...
and where the dog, is shaggier than ever!!!!

lov,
rosh

untitled

2010-10-03T20:56:00.001+08:00

At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.------Paulo Coelho,The Alchemist.

Ielts is done and now i have to stop using "need to practice for IELTS" lame excuses whenever i want to get out of revising for my finals. i know the only person im cheating is myself. rocket science is not needed for this.

BAM> news...
my head of alevels programme in CAMPUS X, might fucking postpone my finals for atleast a week. and what the fuck does that mean???? it means theres a small chance of me missing my flight to uk which has already been booked and confirmed for the 20th!!!!

could life get anymore bleaker??i think yes, maybe? im afraid of how many more unfortunate events are going to befall me by the end of 20th nov. god, i beg you. just please help me...please help me get through this month still being intact. i keep telling myself to breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe all the time. just get through one day at a time. need to revise. need to get myself in order. and i have to finish what i have to finish!!!

*sigh*...i feel so lame for having such depressing posts up here. i do beg ya'll for forgiveness eh eh..but wait until i leave campus X for my hols, HA HA HA HA, thats when i shall be all sunshine and roses and snow!!

u know what else, i think in order to get to know some people, its much better to do it when ur on a one-to-one basis. when there isnt a bloody group of idiots surrounding you, presenting you an option to be all ahy and reserved!!
when your talking to someone alone, there is no WAY you can be all shy and quiet. i mean, wouldnt it be weird, the person yapping, and u zipping??

and furthermore, one's personality shines through better when your alone. the instant chemistry ofcourse helps propel the lightness in conversation. being spontaneously witty comes more readily. thats how i felt today. at my IELTS examination. and not only with my IELTS examiner(who was a pretty impressive dude) but with the people around me, the people whom i normally wouldnt ordinarily talk to!

now im done psycho-analysing my day. so toodles!!!
p/s...no no no class tommorow rosh!!!

simplified

2010-10-03T01:09:00.004+08:00

another thing, im simple. i think. i want, need and wish for the same things, since i was young. well not entirely the same, but the gist of it was and is always the same...

if u asked,
my fav book?
the alchemist-paulo coehlo

fav author?
j.k. rowling

fav poem(s)?
i now know why the caged bird sings-maya angelou
i carry your heart - william butler yeats

fav poet
shakespear...for love of the mystery that surrounds him
maya angelous- for love of her work so intense and so passionately driven

fav song(s)?
iris-goo goo dolls.
to really love a woman- bryan adams

fav singer?
enya.josh groban.

fav piano music?
dawn-pride and prejudice
kiss the rain-yiruma

fav people.
you. simply you!!!

biggest dream?
to just love life with everything in it

biggest fear?
snakes!!

would wish tooo
travel the world in style and travel the world with a sense of adventure in me!

i begin to see,
i am simple. i, usually, know what i want. know what i like. and know what i can and cannot stand for.

stop.think.and decide.

2010-10-02T16:02:00.006+08:00

its the epiphanies i have been having for these past couple of days. number one. i am roshwini enfys muthiah. i am awesome in my own ways. and i am not going to take anymore shit or waste materials such as crap moods, from idiots who should be b*****s.

listen up. i aint here to take ur shit. not now, not ever. i am truly someone who loves to be close to the people whom i just connect with, but when those very same people take it upon themselves to think of me as somethg that has an approximate equivalent value to the dirt on the ground, then its time for me to just stand my ground and reward shit with shit!

and another thing, im not going to be afraid of having to be alone sometimes, sure as hell, sometimes its going to scare me. but for the rest of the time, atleast ill be with the one person i truly adore in this world!!! me!!! yep duh!!!

BTW, i fucking cant wait to fucking get my ass on the plane and zoomzapzoop to UK. i want kunyumma, i want winter, i want time out from Malaysia, i want my holiday, i want the plans to go through, i wantttt vinz and i want fucking fun!!!

by the way, the other thing i realised is, jodi picoult is an amazing novelist!! to the writer concerned, where have u been my whole life???????????
i just finished reading (and crying at the end of it), of one of her books, handle with care.
so so so so so amazing. i loved it. i used to always wonder, one day, if i have a child with abnormalities, deformed..mentally incaplable of taking care of itself. then what would i do? would i fight to protect the child i help create? or would i terminate it, not wanting to hassle myself, thinking it will be much better to just end this one's life, try again in hopes of getting a healthier child. afterall, if i am to be a mother, wouldnt i want my child to reach his/her full potential? to achieve dreams i never could? to have me take care of them when they are young and hav the process reversed when i am older?

and it used to bother me so, because whenever i look at disabled people, i would feel sad for them, bt the people whom my heart truly went out to were for their families. the people who stuck by them and did almost everything for them. dont get me wrong, i know loads of handicap people who are independent and who have achieved so many things in life, more so than a able-bodied person. and i tell u, i weep tears of joy for them.

but after reading this book i realised something important. i would, i would fight. i would have that baby. and from what ive heard and read, i would go through HELL, but atleast i would have my child next to me to make it all worthwhile. yes, the baby will not be perfect. it may not even have much to live or look forward too in live, but id like to think, he/she wil have me and vice versa. and prayers would suffice, for life doesnt always give you what you want, it gives u what u need, what u should have in order to progress to the next plane of your understanding...we create dimensions from the way we respond to things around us, that helps us grow, helps us to reach new spiritual heights.

btw in this book, the story centres a child who was born with OI...osteogenesis imperfecta. Google it. and u will see the cruelty of fate play its triumph card in the faces of innocence! and dont bother asking, why is life so twisted?why do some people seem to have it all and some seem to lose even the basic needs in life? because u and i know that there never is an answer. its just meant to be. maybe its karma. maybe its cuz of ur past life. maybe its because the universe picks randomly and some people are just....hmm...unlucky. when there is no definite answer, refrain from asking WHY...

if life was all a bed of roses with no thorns in it, do you really think that on your deathbed, you would smile and say

"i have lived my life to the extremes of extremes, learnt more than what i bargained for , loved every minute of it and now, now oh universe, i have no regrets at ALL...."

and now i have to quit this, go revise bio, chem and wtf, english speaking for my speaking IELTS is tomw. wish me luck, love...im going to be the person i just simply adore from within. i am going to ace my life. and u, honey u just sit back, and watch me blow ur fucking mind!!!

aunty cindy, if your reading this, so sorry for the explosion of f-words. i really dont mean to ... but u knw, life pretty much dealt me a bunch of lousy cards this week, so although that may not excuse my verbal abuse on the world wide web, i do hope it justifies my behaviour, however bad!!! love u.

quickie

2010-09-29T23:14:00.003+08:00

loool. not the kinda quickie u were thinking ok...

im just blogging cuz i dun want this moment missed.

new fav, song: georgia on my mind.

love love love.

lyrics arent too bad, music = heaven. im so into the blues now. its just kinda, undescribable. and not comprehensible. i mean like why? and why now? mayb as i am maturing ( getting old nut), im kinda upping the quality in the kinda of music i listen too( means im getting boring nut)

so i love this song. and i havnt heard ray charle's version yet, but the one thats been on its millionth repeat on my windows media is by some chinese dude that michelle introduced me too. and hunz, if ur reading this, lol...i love u...!!! awesome-ness in a song as would barney stinson say!!!

geooorrrggiaaa onnn my minddd...

i could listen to this all day....i could dine with this song..i could romance with this song. its uber sexy...so so so like caressing. thats hw i feel when i listen to the blues. the sweet serenades of the 1960's. a wonderment. u can hear the piano, u can hear the bass and u can hear the SOUL. and thats what i look for most in my life. i need to feel thgs come alive for me to love them. otherwise, there is no passion, there is no centre for the outpoor of emotions. and otherwise, there is no life.

and if there's one thing that i will stand by with my life, its passion for life its passion for love its passion for breathing! i am i am i am inlove with life, no matter how tough it gets, as long as u arent dead yet, NOTHING is for sure, NOTHING is permanent and EVERYTHING has a chance of turning arounf and changing for the better. vice versa babey!

im immune to my many, " i shouldnt be ONLINE!" 's

2010-09-22T21:54:00.004+08:00

bah. ive said that so many times. it doesnt mean anything now. although, this time, i really REALLY shouldnt be blogging. but how can i not? blogging is my only form of therapy in this place.

i.NEED.this.world.away.from.mine.

u know what ive likened my world of blogging and the world of internet to? to alice's rabbit hole. instead, this is now, MY rabbit hole. its my escape from reality. from pressing deadlines, from troubling friendships, from harsh nerds, and from the changing of me into ONE OF THEM lots in campus X.

down the rabbit hole, and out into wonderland. where i shall laze around with the Cheshire cat...smoke a little with caterpillar...have mad tea with the mad Hatter and then transform into the wicked Queen of Hearts. i can be all the i wanna be, all that i never wanted to be and all that i just never thought of being.

betcha wished life was a helluva lot more easier. a helluva lot more stable. and alot more permanent with not too much change. but where would that leave us, down some lane that holds nothing but memories u once lived yet cant remember now because they never really held anything exciting.

i have got IELTS on sat and sun. my English entrance exam. the main thing. the finals. its amazing, i entered college X thinking gah, IELTS is so far away..i had three sems to go . and now. 3rd sem is already here, IELTS is around the corner and and and one year had so wondrously passed. i kind of suck at my reading. i have to improve and i will. ITS ENGLISH for god sake. i have to ace it. i just have to. how embarrassing if i do not. i mean i speak good English. i know i do. i now have to quickly master the ways of projecting my proper english into proper sentences on paper.

i shall not blog for awhile me thinks, i just dont think ihave the time anymore. loads of things are going to happen. my exams are all coming fast and deadly. and well, before u know it i will have already reached the end of this sem. so if giving up certain things in life to ensure my good grades is a requirement, then sign me up. aye, aye. however, it doesn't mean that i will completely stop blogging till mid-november. ofcourse i wil still update. it is a LIFESTORY after all. but posts wont be as frequent but im sure it will be of better quality. they say absence makes the heart, ahemm, the writting skills, better?

latest obsession : chef Bobby Chinn. i am in love. hahha well i have a love-like crush on him. google him. he's hot. or watch his shows on travel and discovery. he is half chinese and half egyptian born in NZ, raised in LONDON and san Fransisco. and now living in vietnam, since he has a restaurant there...how amazing , no?

the old me, new me?any difference??

2010-09-22T01:47:00.002+08:00

hell yeah. there are major differences. i was just browsing through my old posts. old meaning when i was 16,17 or something like that. and would u have guessed, i was more deeper then.
i mean. i had opinions. i had LOTS and LOTS of opinions, ideas and questions. and now, well now i just cannot be bothered anymore. biggest question for the day? what should i eat. what time should i wake up. what should i wear, cuz god forbid i go to college looking like a drag queen or worst, the cleaner lady!

shallow. only one word to describe me now. bimbo-minus the need to be pretty. well not so much anyway. i have to get back to being the old me. but the old me had well, limited amounts of people close to her. she did not mix around, and she did not try to find much joy. whereas the new me. is trying to be social, although sometimes its a fucking pain in the u-know-where...yet i do find happiness in my life, in my space, in my past and my present. so, people, moral is, when you change, YOU REALLY CHANGE...sometimes beyound recognition. but one thing is certain, there is no change for good or bad. there are always going to be two sides to a coin in every thing. u become more rebellious, u have society calling u a bad role model, a negative influence...u have ur mother pounding on your room door screaming how hard it was to carry you for 9 months and here you are just throwing every positive chance out the window. BUT then, you suddenly have liberty. your free. free to screw up. free to bounce back. free to do anything. because all great expectations are lost on you. so no matter what you do, people wouldnt think to highly either way.

but change to be a better person. become a class nerd. and all rounder. have society dot on you and have your father brag about you to all who can hear, and have your mother hug u at night and say it was worth the 9 months of extreme extremities. well, now u wonder what the downside to all this is. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY WATCHED. like a HAWK. people want to know,
are u doing things right. have u messed up yet. and u have so much more at stake. you cant just up and leave suddenly with all of your "responsibilities" hanging morbidly in the air. you have no freedome. all you ever have to do is progress. achieve the next big thing. honey, you become a caged bird. FULLSTOP.

so see, there is no such thing as change for the better or change for the worst. thank u for reading my craps of deep thinking....till the next post

love
rosh

who knew that a sleeping princess meant more to me?

2010-09-22T01:10:00.005+08:00

"I know you
I walked with you

once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did

once upon a dream"

honest to god. whenever people asked me when i was young, and also as i was growing up, my least favourite disney classic. without hesitating, i would say..."eeww, sleeping beauty. its PATHETIC..LAMENESS to the core"...

but now, suprise suprise. i have had a 360 degree change of heart. my heart no longer weeps for the corny dialogues and the lame plot as it now understands much better the tale behind the spinning wheel. it took a trip to klang to make a doc's appointment, followed by lunch at my aunt's to make up the events leading to my sudden epiphany. yea yea, it may sound like a small thing. but truly, the extent to which i gravely dedicatedly a portion of my detest towards the movie USED to be astounding. and to now say, i really love the classic just seems hypocritical. hypocritical for the young indian girl who used to believe that sleeping is NOT the way to go to get your TRUE love's kiss. well, hehe, lets say, this little girl has grown up in a whole load of different ways.

and the one part of the movie that really made me go awwww!!!! was the song in which princess aurora and phillip sang. she speaks about how she's dreamt of this certain someone coming into her life and just KNOWING her right off. and she's been lonely all her life, growing in the woods, yet when she sings, its like there's so much believe. so much faith that somehow, someday, something is going to make her's and his's paths collide. and well, as u knw, happily ever after and all, their paths do collide.

so thank u little preetika, for dragging your aunt to watch this little classic so she could finally give it the second chance it truly deserved. Although, i tried repeatedly beforehand to fake sleep and to try and get myself outta the movie date. hehe little persistant devil. but i love u loads and someday im going to tell u that fairytales are neverending in life. that we just have to keep holding on to them NO MATTER WHAT, because at the end of the day, we all love a happy ending and these disney classics sure as hell know how to teach a little girl how to ensnare a prince and how to make it in this world being nothing but NICE. and how to be happy!!!! and dont lie, ask urself, when you were young and if u had the chance of being apart of the "a whole new world" disney concept, did you not just light up from within everytime u saw that beautiful glass-like castle come on screen. or when you read those words, "once upon a time, in a kingdom not so very far away, a princess lived......"

also, another reason why i was so taken up with the movie, the humour in the movie is good, suprisingly again. it made me chuckle. and well lameness i guess had no place in my mind or heart that day.

flora.fauna.merryweather. iloveulittlefairiestobitsnow,pinkorblue?evenihaveneverbeenmoreconbfusedtowhichcolourlookeduglier...hahahha

it still is funny to me, how time FLIES...

2010-09-18T19:00:00.002+08:00

...when u dnt want it too!!!

listen up :
1) i dont want today to ever END period.!
2) i do NOT want to pack up my stuff- they belong at home. i belong at home!
3)i realise, i dont quite enjoy driving....but i want to ALWAYS have the liberty of taking off whenever i want to so long as the petrol tank is never empty and the keys always jinggling!
4) i just want to stay here. stay home.
5) as u prolly have very well gueesed. raya holidays have come to an end. which means, i have to go back to the dungeon. which mean, I JUST DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO CAMPUS X...
please larrr for godsake.!!!

im scared of heading back. i have got so much studying to do. my bio issue report isnt printed yet, but it is COMPLETE..*weak yay* .
my 67 questions of organic chemistry is...*omg u guessed fucking right*...not effing complete.
because, i so cleverly left it in my cozy room so it could have a vacation away from me. aww rosh, brava. and they said u deserved a scholarship.
so tomw, imma gonna have ta use some lame excuse that hopefully will sound believable to my sweet chemistry lecturer when she swings by my desk and ask, "roshhh, u punya homework mana??"...and i will say..."saayyyaaanngg, u wouldn't believe...anjingku makan i punya homework la!...

jokes. funny. but jokes.

so i shall prolly be in hostel by 10am. we are leaving by 6 am to beat the traffic. the raya traffic.

so to cheer the self up, the self has decided to bake a chocolate cake. its in the oven right now. and im thinking im going to make a special mocha icing...happy much yet rosh? yes, i believe so. i am getting there.

anywayz, whatever, whatever comes will come..and whatever goes, will go. i just have to buck up . work extra har. ace whatever that needs acing and enjoy my sem hols to the max. thats my therapy.my motivating factor. my holidays.

p/s, i miss my cousin. i really do.
p/s/s...i realise this is kinda a depressing post. i apologise. but i DONT at the same time. hell, these are my feelings, not yours!! have a problem, go blog hopping to another one with cupcakes all over and a post titled, "how lovely am i??really .... tell me!"

love
the ROSH. of the roshes...

and she's about to wave her hand while i bid adieu...

2010-09-15T02:04:00.002+08:00

15.9.10.wednesday.2am.

what am i doing?STAYING up for the very last day with my cousin. my British-sounding cousin...my younger to me by 3 months cousin. my shorter than me but much much more bolder and braver than me cousin. she's going back home. and im sad. im gonna miss her so much and actually, it isnt so bad since i shall be seeing her again in 2 months. but STILL..she's been here constantly for three weeks and now that she is leaving, im allowed to shed a few tears while i say goodbye.

oh well. life has to go on. she has to go back and get on with her psyschology....

and so..until nov the 20th vinchikong...

on another note, today during super i saw some arch nemesis of mine. my ex-bestie. and i may sound like a bitch to u and i may sound so not mature like the person whom i AM SUPPOSED to be. but when i saw that idiot i just wanted to not even say hello. well i almost did. but the bitch turned ard and said hi rosh...and so i said..hi carryn...

arrghh geram betul. u know, that feeling when u really have moved on. u really are progressing until u see the people that remind u once again of the fool u once were. so blind. so trusting. IT is LAME.

when the british come down to malaysia

2010-09-14T01:52:00.002+08:00

out, OUT, out O U T. thats all i have been doing for this past week or so. vinz(cousin) is dwn from uk, so all i do is load the car with our things,pour petrol and drive into the sunset. quite literally. we always come home abt 12-ish...and end up sleeping abt 5-ish in the morning.

FUN,fun FUN F U N!!!

....

went to ALL of the malls in malacca. met up with peits, went to the beach, went for dinner with dad, went to dad's goats farm, tried milking goat, drove to alor gajah n jasin n melaka tengah districts all in the same day, went to kl. went clubbing alittle,got soaking wet in high heels in bukit jalil bus station, went to midvalley. went to masjid india. went to the pool. had a dress up/makeover,just came bck from the funfair. wake up everyday abt 2-ish PM, went to jonker street yesterday, went for more shopping inbetween, ate more than I SHOULD have. bought two new pair of heels. ate somemore. hoola hooped loads., tried to complete bip issue report which will be sent to the UK to mark, planned more on UK trip...went over the moon in happiness.

and im suddenly thinking...i miss my keelyn.

imissrunningaroundonthepatheticexcuseofafieldinIJCandsprainingmyankleandlaughingaboutitaseclater!

yessshhh

thats been pretty much my weeek. just incredibly fun with non-stop moving about

live your life through these words...

2010-09-08T02:54:00.003+08:00

A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.
(Dickinson, E.)

Strange.
But even when you know it has to end,
when it finally does,
you always get that inevitable twinge: Have I done the right thing?(Jude Law in 'Alfie')

What happens once will never happen again.
But what happens twice will surely happen a third time(Coelho, P.)

Es tan corto el amor y tan largo el olvido~
Love is so short and forgetting is so long.(Neruda, P.)

" Its A LiFeStoRy..."

st valentine...NOT!

part II the incomplete one

approaching the end '11 part 1

red.little.fellas

13/12/11

for you

breaking point.

stuff

the weekend

romance.still.needs.pretty.words

hello October

second last day of September

a monday in September

time helps heal

thus far

say nothing at all.

IF

pavlova done.

the very thought of you.

2.13am.

people's words.

wishing we felt LESS in life

today's update

when all you can do is sigh with wonder.

results are OUT!

caring

the day after goodbye.

all of a sudden

no tittle la.

ingredients

update

current thoughts

happy

hello july

over and done.

what it is, is what it is...

mind-in-a-mess, caution: read if sane

3rd june 2011

if i die young, remember me always happy :)

the dates.

if pictures spoke a million words

a royal affair!!

putting it into words

a brief one

what im thinking of now...

reaching out

hot and moist and dark

cliche. but, i do enjoy.

superwoman

a small fear

To the fat guy with the pointed arrow, and then some more.

its the dream

january glamness

home again

You scumbag you maggot You cheap lousy faggot

im learning to stop feeling disappointed

of little snowflakes

14 hours...

why do people do what most people think they should do??

academic peril

headache

*giggles hysterically* btw, FUCK OFF!!!

and all ur pretty little things will break one day

fab T.G.I. friday!!!

nostalgic

i am allowed to dream, no?

untitled

simplified

stop.think.and decide.

quickie

im immune to my many, " i shouldnt be ONLINE!" 's

the old me, new me?any difference??

who knew that a sleeping princess meant more to me?

it still is funny to me, how time FLIES...

and she's about to wave her hand while i bid adieu...

when the british come down to malaysia

live your life through these words...

giggles hysterically btw, FUCK OFF!!!